Built For Sin
by CaigeCollect
Summary: Jeff Hardy/CM Punk/OC Nixon just wants to live her dream, but in order to do so, she must endure much more than just the vigorous travel & bodily wear & tear that a wrestler deals with,including sexual,forced drug,and physical abuse from her partner.
1. Chapter 1

DISCLAIMER: This story is pure fiction and in no way does it reflect the real life of the real-life characters mentioned. I am in no way affiliated with WWE. Contains violence, drug use, foul language, and sexuality.

I pulled the straps on my boots tight and stood up,checking my hair in the mirror one more time before heading out of the women's locker room. Phil was standing by the door,ready to go.

"About fucking time." he said.

I winced as he grabbed me by the shoulder and guided me down the hallway toward the curtain.

His grip was firm and commanding. I was a part of his 'straight-edge society',his valet,and I hated it. I sucked it up and dealt with it,because I was living my dream. I was a wrestler in the WWE. Phil's oppenent was standing at the bottom of the stage stairs waiting for his cue. Jeff was beautiful,though I could never let Phil know I thought so. He turned around and looked at me with the same look he always gave me. Sympathetic, I thought, like he knew something. His music started playing and he ascended the stairs, walking past the curtain to a roar of screaming fans. Phil and I waited for our music to start so we could be greeted by the same fans,booing us as hard as they could. When the first few notes of "This Fire Burns" began playing,I ascended the steps ahead of Phil,just like always.I knew his eyes were on me,a thought that made me absolutely nauseated. I apparently was walking too slowly for his pleasure, so he pushed me up the last two steps. I fell on my hands and knees, tearing my fishnets at the knees and jamming my wrist. "Get up...let's go,Nixon." he said. I pulled myself up and walked past the curtain, fighting tears. I was a wrestler, I needed to suck this up. It was hard to 'suck it up' when you were someone's ragdoll, tossed around,controlled,and abused at the owner's pleasure and leisure. We made our way down the ramp to the ring. Phil got on the mic and preached to the crowd about living straight-edge, poked fun at Jeff, who was standing outside of the ring now, staring at me.

"You people boo me because you can't handle the truth!" he said to the fans.

The truth was,Phil was a hypocrite. He preached the straight-edge lifestyle,and poked fun at Jeff for his checkered past. In all reality, Phil was much worse than Jeff was. The tape over his elbow covered track marks from heroin needles,and I spent most nights in our hotel room having sex with him while he was drunk,much to my distaste. I never imagined living my dream would be such a nightmare. I exited the ring as the match started, my eyes locked on the 'enemy' the whole time. I had spoken maybe five words to the man in my entire life. "Can I have your autograph?" when I was seventeen. The thoughts in my mind at this moment were the same as they were then.

_Fuck me,he's gorgeous._ I thought to myself. I was glad Phil couldn't hear my thoughts...Jeff,too for that matter. I'm sure he didn't feel the same way about me. The way he moved still mesmerized me,the same way it had for the past ten years. He was the biggest influence on my life, whether he knew it or not. I also found him to be the most gorgeous creature to ever be put on earth. My mind wandered off once again, a familiar fantasy replaying in my head. I was snapped out of my trance by the sound of Phil's music playing. He'd won the match. It was now time to come back from the imag-i-nation,no matter how badly I wanted to stay. We walked back up the ramp,past the curtain,and I descended the stairs, feeling Phil's eyes on me, knowing what was coming as soon as we got back to the hotel. I dreaded his greasy hair falling into my face, his tattooed arms pinning me down,the stench of alcohol and cigarettes on his breath as he took advantage of me as I lie motionless,emotionless,and numb while he got his pleasure. As we walked down the hallway toward our dressing rooms,I felt another pair of eyes watching me. I glanced quickly over my shoulder and saw Jeff staring after us. Our eyes connected for a moment before he turned and walked away. I went into the women's locker room and changed into my jeans & Tool t-shirt. I threw my hair into a ponytail, grabbed my duffel bag,and rushed to get to the hallway before Phil had to knock on my door. He'd be angry if he had to come get me.I closed the door behind me just as he walked out of his dressing room.

"For once you're ready before me. Let's go." he said, grabbing my elbow. I was tempted to jerk away but I knew better. I'd rather not cause a scene in public....again. We walked past Jeff on our way out, who once again gave me that knowing look. "Hey." he said. I opened my mouth to reply but Phil started walking faster. I looked back at Jeff who was still staring after us.


	2. Chapter 2

When I got into the shower,Phil was snorting his first line...the first of many that night. Nothing new,it was routine these days. I found myself thinking about the way Jeff looked at me while I scrubbed the filth from my body and found myself smiling for the first time in what seemed like years. Why did I like the way he looked at me? I had no idea. I became lost in thought again,fantasies and daydreams taking me over. A loud crash from the bedroom startled me back to reality. Something was broken,hopefully his face. I hurried and got dressed before running out to check on him. A lamp was smashed on the floor, the phone off the hook,and his lip was busted and bleeding all over the pillow. Great. Another two hundred dollars that I had to fork out because of him. I cleaned up his mess and helped him into bed,where he passed out. I snuck out of the room and down to the lounge for a drink. There was only one other person there when I walked in,unmistakably identifiable. He was sitting at the bar alone,eating. I walked by him and poked him in the side on my way to the opposite end of the bar.

"Did you seriously just _poke_ me?" he asked. I stopped and looked back, shrugged, and kept walking. I took a seat and ordered a drink and a sandwich. A few minutes later, Jeff slid onto a stool beside me, his back against the bar.

"So...you never really answered my question." he said.

"Hi to you, too."

"Well you never replied to that either,did you?"

"Yeah...sorry about that..."

"Well...are you going to answer my question or not?"

"What question?"

He laughed and I felt my heart skip a beat.

"I asked if you seriously poked me when you walked in."

"Oh...yeah..."

"You're not gonna answer me are you?"

I looked at him and fought a smile. I shook my head no.

"I don't bite,ya know..." he said.

I took a bite of my sandwich and looked up at him. His eyes were locked on my arm.

"What?" I asked.

"What are all these bruises from?"

"Work I guess."

"Oh..."

"I bruise easily." I told him.

"I see."

"Kinda hard not to when you're staring."

Jeff smirked.

"You should be used to that,shouldn't you?"

"In some ways I guess...the hair,the tattoos,the way I dress....people stare all the time."

"I know what you mean."

"Ha,I bet you do." I said, ruffling his hair.

"Yeah..." he said, smoothing it back down.

It hit me finally that I was engaged in friendly conversation with the man I fantasized about day in and day out.

"I just realized this is the first time I've spoken to you since I was seventeen years old." I told him.

"And you've been with WWE for how long now?" he asked.

"Seven months." I told him.

He laughed. My heart skipped a beat again.

"Well,don't take seven more months to speak to me again,okay? Like I said, I don't bite."

I smiled and nodded,swallowing my food before verbally replying.

"Okay."

"See ya Nix."

I finished eating my meal and went to pay my tab,but it had already been paid. Jeff...I had to remember to thank him at some point in the future.

When I got back to my hotel room,Phil was awake.

"Where the hell have you been?" he demanded

I leaned against the door as he walked toward me.

"I went downstairs to eat."

The room was filled with cigarette smoke and a tourniquet was still wrapped around his right bicep. "Did you take your pills?" he asked.

"Not yet. I went to eat so I could." I said.

He glared at me for a moment before moving so I could move past him. I sat on the bed and opened my pill container. I took the pills he forced me to take every day,plus my birth control pill. Half an hour later I was numb all over and pinned under him again. At least I never felt anything. I didn't enjoy it,but I had to pretend I did. Dawn broke and we passed out, and were awoken way too early by our wake-up call...at least,I was. I had to wake Phil up myself.

"Phil...wake up. It's ten thirty. We have to check out. I have everything packed and ready to go."

He grunted at me and dragged himself from his slumber, walking, zombie-like to the bathroom. I pulled a hoodie on to cover the fresh bruises and when he finished dressing,we left. I paid the bill and the cost of the lamp on my credit card. Phil never paid for anything. That was my responsibility,he said. The only thing he ever bought for me was drugs and alcohol. As I was checking out, I got a text from my best friend, Blake. She was married to the top heel in our company besides Phil, Randy Orton.

"Hey Honey! What ya doing?" her text read.

"Checking out,hang on." I replied.

I finished checking out and texted Blake back.

"Hey pretty lady....what's up?"

"Nothin'...just bored. Randy's in the gym and I'm just sitting here...watching."

"Awww....I'm sorry honey. I love you!"

"I love you too,it just sucks."

"I know it has to...I think we're just going to head to the arena."

"You doing okay?"

"Yeah,I guess."

"Nix..."

"Blake...don't...I'm about to get in the car with Phil though. I'll talk to you later. Love you."

She didn't text back. I shoved my phone in my purse and drove us to the arena, feeling the pills from hours before wearing off. I was jittery, so I was going to need a fix soon. I popped a Stacker and downed an energy drink for the time being. We were the second ones at the arena, right behind Jeff. He smiled warmly at me as we got out of the car and I smiled back. Phil didn't notice. He didn't even follow me to my dressing room, he just sulked down the hallway to his. Jeff and I signed in at the talent office. I took the opportunity to thank him for buying my dinner since Phil wasn't around.

"I wanted to tell you thank you for last night." I said timidly.

"Oh,no problem." he replied,smiling. We walked side by side down the hall toward the women's dressing room & his, which happened to be right by mine tonight.

"That was really nice of you."

"It's really no big deal...." he replied, smiling.

"Yeah...I just..." I got really lightheaded and stumbled into him.

He caught me by the arms and I winced in pain. He'd grabbed onto a part of my arm that was really bruised up.

"You okay?" he asked.

"Yeah, fine, just got a little light headed....probably that energy drink." I told him.

"You look like you're gonna puke."

"I'm okay. I just need to sit down."

I slid down against the wall and pulled my knees up, putting my head between them.

"Do you want me to go get Phil or something?" he asked.

"No,no...I'll be fine. I just need to sit here for a second. You go on. I'll be fine."

"Nixon...."

"What?"

"Nothing...I'm gonna go put my stuff down and I'll be back to check on you okay?"

I nodded in acknowledgement.

_Why is he being so nice to me? _ I wondered.

When Jeff got back, he grabbed my bag and helped me up off the floor, with a loose grip on my arm,and one hand on my lower back, guiding me to my locker room door.

"Thanks." I said.

"No problem...take care of yourself, okay? I'll see you later."

I nodded and went into the locker room. I attempted to straighten my hair and do my makeup,but I was too shaky. I needed a fix. I hated to do it while I was at work,but I needed it. I searched in my purse for my make-up bag that had my supplies in it. I pulled out a small zipper bag with white powder in it, a straw, a razorblade, and a hand mirror. The less evidence left behind,the better. I took a strong hit off of the substance and sat back up on the bench.

"Nixon?"

_Jeff. Oh God. No._ I thought. _How did he get in here? Didn't I shut and lock the door?_

I looked up, brushing at my nose.

He shut the door behind him and walked over to me.

"Hey...Jeff..."

He had a bottle of water in his hand and was staring down at me, a look of shock and concern on his face. I put my things back in my bag and he sat down next to me.

"You know...you shouldn't do stuff like that...it's really not good for you...and it can get you in a lot of trouble."

"Who are you to tell me this? Aren't you the one who got fired for refusing rehab? I'm grown,I can make my own decisions,Hardy." I replied.

Jeff looked down at his hands.

"Yeah, thats the attitude I had too and look where I've been...released, and two strikes under my belt now. Do you want your career to go down the drain? You're too talented to throw it all away, Nixon. Let me help you..."

"I know what I'm doing, and I damn sure dont need your help!"


	3. Chapter 3

Jeff nodded and stood up.

"I'll just be going then."

"Bye."

Jeff walked out and shut the door behind him. I felt hot tears pour from my eyes. Why was I letting him get to me? He had no room to be talking to me about that. He'd had a problem in the past. He was being hypocritical. I went into the bathroom and fixed my hair and make up for the night and got dressed for my match. When I had my boots on, I slipped out and checked the hall for Phil. No sign of him. I knocked on Jeff's door and waited for him to answer.

"Yeah?" he said.

"Can I talk to you?" I asked. I heard my voice shaking.

"About?"

"I just wanted to tell you I'm sorry for the way I spoke to you earlier...please don't be mad at me....and please...Jeff,don't tell anyone okay?"

"It's your secret to tell."

"I really appreciate it."

He nodded.

"I've got to get ready for my match. I'll talk to you later okay?"

I nodded and turned away.

"Nixon?"

I turned to look at Jeff.

"Just be careful okay? Trust me....I've been down that road before...sometimes you may not get to turn back around if you get to a dead end."

I sighed and nodded. Jeff's door closed and I opened mine, packing my bag and laying out clothes to put on after my match. I was wrestling without Phil tonight. He wasn't accompanying me to the ring or anything. I was supposed to get 'knocked out' by my tag team partner for the night, Michelle McCool,'by accident',so I wouldn't be accompanying him,either. I was glad of this. I needed a break from him sometimes. I ran into Jeff in the hallway on the way back to my locker room.

"You did good out there." he told me.

"Thank you." I replied. I was probably blushing. Why was he being so nice?! No guy was ever this nice to me, even my best friend's husband. Granted, I didn't speak to many other guys. I wasn't allowed to, really, but still. That wasn't the point. The point was, a guy was talking to me,and he was actually being nice. He was complimenting me, and trying to help me out. That was new to me.

"No problem...you've got real talent."

"Really?"

"Yeah. Well...I gotta get going....see ya later. Take care."

"Bye.."

Jeff took off toward the curtain and I went into my locker room. Blake was sitting there,with a couple other Divas.

"Hey." she said.

"Hey." I replied.

She hadn't been near the ring in months. She was five months pregnant,so she wasn't exactly allowed. I felt for her, though I didn't understand what it was like to be away from the ring.

I sat down next to her and watched Jeff's and Phil's match on the monitor. When Jeff won,I found myself fighting a smile. Why was I wanting to smile? I was angry at him still. Wasn't he just telling me two hours ago how to live my life? I didn't take that shit from anyone, especially not someone I didn't know.

_That's not true,Nixon,you take shit from Phil all the time._ I reminded myself. Still. Jeff had no right to tell me how to live my life when he had done the same exact things he was telling me not to. Hypocrite! Wasn't that his pet peeve? Why did I know that? Why was I still thinking about him? When was I not thinking about him? He seemed to be on my mind more often than not these days and I had no idea why. Maybe it was the fact that he and Phil were in a heavy storyline, or the fact that he had recently gotten switched over to Smackdown and I saw him more than once a month.

Whatever the reason,I wasn't quite sure I liked him being on my mind all the time. It was a good thing Phil couldn't read my mind, he definitely wouldn't like it.

I grabbed my things and headed to meet Phil so we could leave. Jeff passed me in the hallway and waved to me. I bit my lip so I wouldn't speak and rushed past him to Phil. I heard Jeff's locker room door shut firmly behind us.

"I'm 're ready to go already." he said gruffly.

I didn't reply. I just took his bag and trudged ahead to the parking lot.

I threw our things in the trunk and got in the driver's seat. I was more impaired than he was,but I wasn't so high that I couldn't drive. He took a needle filled with heroin out of his pocket and tied a tourniquet around his bicep.

"You need a hit?" he asked. That was one thing I hadn't gotten into. I took pills and I did coke every once in a while, I even smoked weed with a few of the guys, but I had never gotten into shooting up.

"No...I'm good...." I replied.

"What did you take?"

"I did a line before my match."

"Don't you dare fucking get caught at work.I'll kill you."

I didn't reply. I shut my mouth and I drove to Hooter's so that we could eat before driving on to the next city. We sat at a table in the front,close to the restroom so he could get another hit before we left. Jeff came in alone a few minutes after we got there. I wondered why he was so often alone, why he never had his girlfriend with him. I knew he had one, they'd been together forever. While Phil was in the bathroom, I decided to find out. I pulled out my phone and texted Blake.

"Hey...I have a question..." I sent.

"What's up?"

"Why is Jeff always alone? Doesn't he have a girlfriend?"

"No...they broke up. Why?"

"I was just wondering. I feel kinda bad for him being all alone all the time,but what can I do about it? Nothing."

"Uh huh...why the sudden interest in Jeff?"

"I've always had an interest in Jeff,but the question was asked because he's in Hooter's,so are we,and he's alone. Just wondered why."

"Mhm."

"Phil's coming back. I'll text you when he's asleep."

I put my phone back in my purse and went back to eating my food. I could feel Jeff's eyes on me, watching me like a hawk.

"Who were you talking to?"

"Blake."

"What about?"

"She was asking me a question."

"ABOUT?" he raised his voice. People started staring. Jeff was one of them.

"Work."

"What about it?" he said, gritting his teeth.

"She asked if I'd left something in the locker room."

"Let me see your phone."

"What?"

"..Phone."

"It died. That's why I put it up."

"I want to see it when we get back to the hotel."

"I don't have a charger."

"Where is your charger?"

"It broke. I have to buy a new one."

"Then we'll go to Walmart and you can buy one there."

"They don't have one for this phone at Walmart.I have to go to the AT&T store to get one. It'll take days for it to come in."

I couldn't believe I was sitting here lying to Phil. I couldn't believe it was so easy. I was looking him in the eyes and lying to him. His eyes were bloodshot and angry, dark circles beneath them. At one point, he was good looking to me, but ever since we started working together, he was hideous. I guess when you get to know a person, it shows their true beauty. His attitude made him ugly. I finished my food before Phil finished his and went to the bathroom so I'd be ready to go when he did finish. I stared at my reflection in the mirror and realized I was changing. I was losing weight, something I didn't really need to do, and my eyes looked sunken in. My cheek bones had become more prominent and my skin was pale. I lifted my shirt and saw that my hip bones were showing beneath my tattooed skin. I was losing my curves and becoming stick-looking,like most of my other female co-workers. What was happening to me? I wasn't sure, but I figured it had something to do with the fast-paced life on the road mixed with the drug binges. I brushed my hair back into a ponytail before heading back out.


	4. Chapter 4

"What took you so long?"

I shook my head and sat back down. Phil headed to the bathroom to get his final fix before we headed back out onto the road. Jeff was eyeing me, a look of sadness and frustration on his face. I looked down at my hands, somewhat ashamed. I felt like any moment, he'd start yelling at me. Nothing I wasn't used to. Phil yelled at me all the time. He also hit me and slapped me and occasionally he'd punch me. I'd been pushed up against walls, beds, pinned to the floor, all in anger and rage. I'd spent at least two thousand dollars at hotels to replace broken furniture and ruined bedding. I'd cleaned up his vomit more than twice and dragged him from the car to the hotel room several times. Taking care of him on top of the regular stress of life on the road, plus trying to hide my forced on addictions was tough. I hated it, but it kept me living my dream. I was gonna live my dream as long as I was alive and able.

I figured I'd be alive as long as I did what Phil told me to,when he told me to. I waited for him to finish in the bathroom while also trying to avoid further eye contact with Jeff. I looked up to see if he was still staring, but he wasn't sitting at his table. He was walking toward mine...or maybe the bathroom...no, he was definitely walking toward me.

He stood facing the bathroom door, staring at it intently. I looked up at him nervously.

"Can I help you?" I asked.

"If you ever need anything, call or text me. Don't hesitiate."

Jeff stuck a small piece of paper out to me and I took it and shoved it in my purse.

"I'll see ya." he said, walking away.

Phil returned a moment later and told me that it was time to go. I paid our tab and followed after him,like a puppy on a leash. Jeff walked out behind us, got into his rental car, and tried to inconspicuously follow us to the next city. He stayed close by the whole way. We checked into the same hotel. Phil pushed me into the elevator. He was on edge and I was becoming jittery.

"Phil, stop." I said.

He pushed me against the wall.

"You're already on thin ice with me tonight. Watch it or if you fall, I'll just let you drown."

The icy tone of his voice sent chills down my spine. I just nodded and waited for the elevator to ding. I grabbed our bags and headed to the room,letting Phil in before myself. I took out his needles and his other supplies and laid them out for him.

I popped two pills and a xanax and waited for Phil. He'd be climbing on top of me anytime now. I fell asleep before he did, and was awoken rather unpleasantly.

"What do you think you're doing? Wake up." he said, shaking me violently.

He was slurring his words, the room was filled with smoke, and I smelled alcohol. He pulled my clothes off of me and I submitted to him. We both passed out afterward, over slept, and were almost late to the arena for the pay-per-view. Dr. Black was there. Luckily my name wasn't on the list. I needed to detox as soon as I got home the next day just in case he was at tapings on Tuesday.

wasn't at tapings on Tuesday. I spent my flight home on Wednesday morning next to a knocked-out Phil, jittery and nervous. I hadn't had a fix since the night before. I was out of all of my pills and I didn't want to take anything Phil had. All of his stuff was stronger than mine. I'd be okay once I got home....or so I thought.

Phil was grumpy when he woke up. He was ill on the drive home. At home,he was irate. I had no clue why,but he was just pissed off at me. Nothing I did was right. That wasn't unusual, but today was the worst it had been. He made me change clothes twice and put make-up on,even though we weren't going anywhere. I cooked him dinner,but it wasn't good, he said. I ended up having to take a shower because I had food dumped in my lap. When I got out of the shower, Phil was standing by the door, a bottle of Jack Daniels pressed to his lips.

He pushed me against the door.

"Listen to me. You're in my house. You do what I say. How many times do I have to tell you that?"

"What did I not do that you told me to do?"

"Everything."

"Phil,I've done everything you've told me to." I replied,my voice quivering.

"Awww,you gonna cry like a little bitch?"

"No."

"Yes you are, I can see it in your eyes. I can hear it in your voice. Go ahead. Cry!" his nose was on mine now & he was yelling in my face. He knew I hated that. He knew it would make me cry. I knew me crying would make him angrier. I knew him being angrier would result in more bruises and more submitting to his desires. Before I could stop them, the hot tears were streaming down my face. His hand met my cheek and I felt myself getting angry. I still hadn't had my fix and the jittery feeling was gone. Now I was just tired and all I wanted to do was sleep until Friday when we had to go back to work. Phil wouldn't let that happen though.

"What the hell is wrong with you? Stop your crying. You're pathetic." he said.

"Phil...."

"Shut up."

"Phil stop it."

"What?"

"Get off of me."

"Excuse me?"

"I said get off of me. Let me go!"

I tried pushing him away but he pulled me by the wrist into the bedroom and pushed me onto the bed, pinning me down. Rage filled his eyes, his face flushed red.

"Don't tell ME what to do in MY house."

I covered my face as he began slapping and punching at me. He removed his belt and I prepared for what I knew was coming. More of giving him the sexual pleasure he enjoyed, that I detested.

"Take off your shirt." he demanded.

I didn't hesitate. I wanted this over as soon as possible. He didn't climb on top of me like usual. He pushed me over onto my stomach and started hitting me with the belt. This was new. He'd never done this before. I didn't like it. I could feel my welts rising on my back. I swear one cut me open. I didn't cry or scream. Blood filled my mouth as I built my tongue in resistance and pain.

Two hours later, after I was sure he wasn't going to wake up for quite some time, I grabbed my purse and went for a walk in the Windy City. It was ice cold out,and I felt like a zombie. I hadn't taken anything for the pain of my beating. Phil wouldn't let me. He had all the pills locked in a cabinet and I didn't have the key, nor could I find it. Maybe I could find someone on the street with something. I was walking down an alley toward a spot I'd been to with Phil at one time when I slipped on a patch of ice. I landed on my hands and knees, spilling the contents of my purse out in frront of me.

"Fuck." I said aloud.

I picked up everything and shoved it back in, but I paused when I came across a piece of paper with a number scrawled on it. I picked up the piece of paper and stared at it for a moment before deciding to call. I dialed the number nervously and waited for the person to answer.

"Hello?"


	5. Chapter 5

"Jeff....I need to talk to you."

"Nixon?"

"Yeah....it's me."

"You okay sweetheart?"

I blamed the goosebumps that were running down my arms on the cold wind that gusted through the alley.

"I guess."

"Tell me the truth,Nixon."

"Jeff.....you can't tell anyone okay?"

"Tell anyone what?"

"Phil....he beats me."

"I was afraid of this...."

"I pissed him off earlier and he's at the house passed out right now....I went for a walk....I gotta be getting back soon."

"Why do you let him do this to you?"

"I don't exactly let him...."

"But you don't stop him either."

"Jeff,it's not that easy."

"Just don't go back...."

"I wish it were that simple."

"It can be. You're out of his house now. Just don't go back. Leave."

"I wish I could,Jeff...but what about at work? How am I gonna escape him there? It's not as simple as it seems...He'll find me, he always does. After so long I stopped trying to get away. You dont get it, its better to just let him hit me than it would be to run and get caught."

"I wish it was...."

"You and me both Jeff....but I've got to endure it....or give up my dream,and I'm not doing that."

"I admire your passion,kid."

"Desire means never quit."

Jeff paused for a moment before speaking, "Sounds familiar."  
"It should. You said it."

"I did,didn't I?"

"You did....those are the four words that drove me to where I am now....well...kind of. You're my hero,Jeff....but look,I better get going. I gotta get back to the house before Phil wakes up...I'll see you soon,okay?"

"If you need me again, call me. No matter what time it is."

"I will."

I ended the call and erased my call logs & text messages. I decided to go buy a new charger for my phone as an excuse for where I'd been. When I got back to the house, Phil was still passed out. It was painful for me to lay on my back, so I fell asleep on my stomach on the couch. I woke up a few hours later and was unable to go back to sleep, so I pulled out my phone and texted Jeff.

"I hate waking up and not being able to go back to sleep." I sent.

"I know the feeling."

"Did I wake you? I'm sorry."

"No, you didn't."

"Your girlfriend isn't gonna get mad for me texting you in the middle of the night?"

"Lol,no."

"Oh ok,just making sure."

"We broke up."

"Oh...I'm sorry."

"Don't be."

"Well I think I hear Phil up...gotta go."

I erased my inbox and turned off my phone. I decided to let him continue believing my phone was dead and I hadn't gotten a charger yet. To my surprise, he didn't come stumbling out of the bedroom. I got up and quietly opened the bedroom door to the stench of vomit and urine. Phil was so messed up he hadn't even gotten out of bed to puke or use the bathroom. The hardwood floor was splattered with vomit and the white sheets on the bed were yellow. I shook my head and went to the bathroom to grab some towels to put over the puddle by the bed so he wouldn't slip when he did finally get up. I'd have to clean up the bed when he did,too.

When Phil finally woke up the next day, I got yelled at and smacked for not waking him up so he could go to the bathroom. He wanted to have sex before I changed the sheets to, as always, teach me a lesson for what I'd done. I fought back gagging the whole forty-five minutes. When he finished with me,he got into the shower and I washed the sheets & flipped the matress. I took a shower in the extra bathroom and put on clean clothes & make-up to cover the black eye I'd gotten the night before. I wished I had a way to cover the bruises on my arms, but I had to settle for fishnets and long-sleeved shirts at work,and hoodies out in public. My entire life was a lie,except to those who I decided I could trust with the truth. There were two people who knew the truth, Blake and Jeff. I still was confused as to why I was letting Jeff into my life. Maybe it was the attachment I'd felt to him in the past, or maybe I felt like I really could trust him. Maybe it was because he had offered to help me. I had no clue. Did I like it? Again, I wasn't entirely sure. Did I appreciate it? Of course I did. It was the nicest thing anyone had ever done for me.

The rest of the day was uneventful, we just packed for the next few days' worth of shows and I paid for us to go out to eat. The next morning, I carried our luggage into the airport and boarded the plane in silence with Phil on my heels,me running on two days without pills. I was being punished in Phil's eyes,but to tell the truth, I felt better than I had in a long time. I just couldn't let him know that. I had to pretend like it was killing me. He was buying it, though. When our plane landed, we grabbed our bags and I headed to the rental car line while Phil headed to the bathroom. When he came out, I was waiting with the keys in my hand.

"They didn't give you trouble this week?" he asked.

"No."

"Good. I don't feel like waiting."

"They were actually quick about it today."

"Good. Let's go."

When we got to the arena, Phil was called into a meeting,then he had an interview to do for the magazine after that, so I was Phil-free until match time. I dragged my luggage into the dressing room and propped the door open for the rest of the girls to come in.I was digging in my bag for something to wear when someone poked me in the back. I scrunched up my face in pain and turned around. 


	6. Chapter 6

"Hey....you ok?"  
"Yeah...that kinda hurt though."

"I didn't poke you that hard."

"It's not your fault...."

"Then why did it hurt?"

I looked at Jeff as if he should know why.

"Oh...that bad?"

I nodded.

"I wish I could do something...kick his ass,something....you don't deserve this."

I felt my heart jump in my throat. He really did care. But why? I almost retaliated with that very question but something inside of me wouldn't allow it.

I shrugged and went to shut the door. I liked him being around but I didn't want to chance anyone telling Phil,or worse, Phil seeing.

"I haven't had any pills or anything in two days." I told Jeff.

"Good....I know it isn't easy but you can do it."

"Well, Phil won't let me have anything...he said it's a punishment..."

"Withdrawal is hard.....I know...so he's trying to make you suffer....wow. How fucking cruel can someone be?"

I bit my lip. He didn't need to cuss. It made him even sexier.

"Pretty cruel." I told him.

"I'm glad you called the other night...."

"You are?" I asked.

Jeff nodded and took a step toward me. "It shows that you trust me."

"I do....I don't know why, but I do...."

"I'm glad."

"I am too....it's good to be able to trust someone."

Jeff took another step toward me.

I took a step toward him and wrapped my arms around his waist. He gently put his arms around my shoulders and I felt his lips press to my forehead. He rubbed his hands up and down my back. Suddenly, my eyes welled up with tears. In a second, I was bawling my eyes out. Jeff pulled back and took my face gently in his hands, brushing my tears away with his thumbs. This wasn't what usually happened when I cried. I tried to stop the tears from flowing. Crying was a sign of weakness, that's what Phil always said.

"Did I hurt you?" Jeff asked.  
I shook my head no.

"Nixon...."

"He hit my on my back but you didn't hurt me....I don't know why I'm crying...I'm sorry."

"Why are you sorry?"

"I shouldn't be crying...I'm twenty-three years old....crying is a sign of weakness."

"God....no it isn't sweetheart.....it really isn't....come here."

Jeff pulled me into a hug again. He held me close while I cried.

When I finished, I pulled away.

"Thank you....for just being here for me....."

"Anytime,Nix....like I told you,anytime you need me..."

I nodded.

"You need anything before I go get ready for work?"

"No...I'm okay."

I unzipped my hoodie and threw it on top of my suitcase.

"My God...." Jeff said, nearly in a whisper.

"I told you it was bad."

Jeff grabbed my hand and looked at my arms closer. I swear I saw fire in his eyes.

"We've gotta get you away from him."

I pulled my hand back and pushed a strand of hair away from my face.

"I told you I can't leave."

"Nixon, you're gonna end up dead."

"No one would miss me."

"I would."

I stopped breathing for a second. I looked up at Jeff,and I don't think I'd ever seen his eyes such a dark green.

"You barely know me,Jeff....how could you possibly miss me?"

"If anything happens to you...Phillip Brooks will die."

Jeff kissed my forehead and left the room. I stared at the door for ten minutes after he left.

I was still staring at the door when the other girls started coming in. I quickly snapped out of my trance and grabbed my clothes and headed to the bathroom to change, just like I always did.

Blake came in to use the bathroom while I was doing my makeup.

"What are you smiling about?" she asked.

I hadn't even realized I was smiling.

"Huh?" I asked.

"You're cheesing like you just had the best orgasm in the world or something."

I laughed.

"And you're laughing. What the hell happened?" Blake asked.

"Nothing...."

"Nixon Elexxis Wayne."

I scowled at her. I hated my full name.

"What happened before we all came in?"

"Nothing...Jeff came by and we talked for a while but that's it."

"Jeff? Hardy?"

"Yeah."

I felt myself smiling. Oh God.

"Oooh details!"

"What is there to tell? He came by, we talked...."

"About?"

"Things...Phil...."

"Ah...."

"I broke down crying and he held me in his arms and comforted me while I cried. He kissed my forehead. Twice."

"Ooooh.....what else?"

"He acts like he wants to save me or something. Like he's some kinda hero."

"You have always said Jeff's your hero."

"Yeah but if he only realized how hard it would be for him to save me....it's like....I don't know. It's like he's Superman, I'm the damsel in distress, and Phil is won't happen." I explained.

"But don't you wish Superman was immune to Kryptonite?"

"More than you know."

Blake went in the stall to pee and we resumed our conversation when she came out.

"You like him, don't you?" she asked.

I think I blushed.

"I've always liked him, Blake. Just now, we talk, and he knows my darkest secrets....it's weird....but I think I like it....but you can't tell anyone, Phil can't find out. I'd be dead, and so would Jeff."

"I won't tell anyone honey. Don't worry."

Blake helped me finish my hair and makeup before heading back out into the main locker room. I headed out to meet Phil and found Jeff stretching in the hallway. He looked up from the floor and smiled at me. I looked around for Phil before smiling back. Jeff stood up and took off down the hallway toward the curtain. Phil came up behind me, nearly scaring me half to death.

"I haven't had anything in four hours. I'm not in a good mood. Don't fuck up tonight." he said.

I had the feeling I'd fuck up somehow and there'd be more bruises by morning. Jeff wouldn't be happy at all. Maybe I should just stop talking to him or something. No, I couldn't do that. I think that would hurt the both of us. He was trying to help. I was afraid to reject his kindness. If I did, he'd probably get mad and yell at me or something.

I don't know how,but I made it through the match without messing up anything. Phil even kind of complimented me at the end, in his own harsh little way.

"Guess you had enough the past few days." were his exact words.

I nodded and trudged on to the women's locker room, which was now empty. I changed clothes quickly, shoving my work clothes and boots into my back. I had just zipped up my hoodie and gently put my bag onto my shoulder when a knock came at the door. It wasn't loud enough to be Phil. I opened the door to see Jeff standing there, dressed in jeans and a white t-shirt.


	7. Chapter 7

"Just wanted to say goodnight....I'll see you tomorrow. You need me, you let me know okay?" he said.

I stepped out of the locker room,feeling myself smiling again.

"I will Jeff. Thank you." I said.

"You have a beautiful smile." he told me.

I blushed.

I didn't really know how to take a compliment.

"I better go find Phil..." I said.

"You don't have to look far." Jeff said.

I turned around and Phil had just rounded the corner and was walking toward me. Jeff walked away and I knew I was in for it. Phil grabbed me tightly by the arm and walked me to the car, shoved me into the passenger seat and drove us to the hotel. Back in the hotel room, Phil screamed at me and smacked me around a bit, then he yelled at me some more. He told me never to even look at Jeff again, not to speak to him, or even think about him. After he was done, he told me I made him sick a few times before he left to go to the bar. He wouldn't be back for several hours. I pulled out my phone as soon as I saw him pull out of the parking lot and texted Blake.

"Blake...."

"Yes?"

"Are you busy?"

"No,what's going on?"

"Can you come over here?"

"Yeah,what room are you in?"  
"265."

"Do I need to bring Randy?"

"No....it's just me here."

"What happened?"  
"What always happens? I just need my best friend right now...please."

"I'll be there in a minute."

I opened the door and waited for Blake. She rounded the corner a few minutes later,looking concerned. I was positive my mascara was running and messed up. I let Blake in and shut the door behind her.

"What happened this time?" she asked.

"I got caught talking to someone I shouldn't have been talking to." I said.

"Who?"

"Jeff." I said,my voice breaking.

Blake looked at me, tears in her eyes, her face flushed red and her jaw clenched.

"I'll kill him."

"Who?"

"Phil."

"Blake, you're pregnant."

"I know,but that doesn't mean I can't kill Phillip Brooks!"

"Blake stop."

Hot,angry tears were now spilling from Blake's eyes down her face. I walked over and hugged my best friend.

"This isn't right Nixon. You need to get away from him. Even if it's just for a weekend. You need a few days just Phil-free."

"It won't teach him to appreciate me,so why does it matter?"

"Because you deserve to live a day without stress,pills,alcohol,and beatings."

"Blake,I've lived my whole life that way....except for the past two...almost three days...well...no pills and no alcohol anyway. Beatings have been plentiful."

"When is Phil leaving for that PR tour again?"

"The weekend of your baby shower."

"That's this weekend."  
"Are you sure?"

"Yeah,the twelfth."

"He leaves the tenth and won't be back until the fifteenth."

"And you don't have to go?"  
"No, it's just him and Hennigan,then two from Raw,and two from ECW."

Blake nodded, "And all the brands are off this weekened."

"Yeah,that's right,I forgot about that."

"It's a rare luxury,don't get used to it."

I laughed.

"Does Phil know about the baby shower?"  
"Yeah. I'll remind him."

"Or you can just not tell him."

"Or that...I think I better remind him though."

I pulled out my phone and texted him.

"Hey. Your PR tour starts Thursday right?" I sent.

I waited nervously for his reply.

"?"

"I just wondered, I'm supposed to go to Blake's for her baby shower, remember?"

His response was quick.

"No guys besides Randy right?"

"Right."

"Then you can go.I don't want you left alone while I'm may try something."

"Okay...thank you."

" leave me alone.."

I laid the phone on the table.

"He said I could go." I told her.

"Good. Do you want to just go home with me and Randy tomorrow?" she asked.

"I wonder if he'd let me."

"Ask him."

"He told me to leave him alone."

"Ah...well...."

"I'll ask him later."

"Okay. If you need me later you let me know, okay? I've got to go get in that tub in the room...my back is killing me."

"Randy's fault right?"

"You got it."

I laughed and shook my head while I followed Blake to the door. I hugged her and thanked her for coming by before heading to take a shower and climb into bed. Phil would be coming in around dawn, drunk, and craving sex. To my surprise, I woke up at 10 AM, still alone in my bed. Phil had been by, he'd scribbled a note that I should be at the airport by 2 to leave with Blake and Randy. I smiled and hurried out of bed, dressing and straightening my hair before packing up to head out.

I was struggling to get my luggage out of my hotel room when a voice offered help.

I looked up to see Jeff standing and staring at me.

"Hey." I said,standing upright.

"Hey yourself....you need help?" he offered once more.

"I would really appreciate it." I told him.

Jeff took my luggage and set it on the cart by my door.

"Where's Phil?" Jeff asked.

"He has that PR tour this weekend....he leaves Thursday but I'm going to Blake and Randy's this weekend....it's her baby shower...plus, Phil wants someone to 'watch me',he says."

Jeff nodded and pushed the cart down the hallway toward the elevator. "Someone to watch you?" he asked.

"Yep.I guess he thinks of me as a child or something."

"He apparently doesn't trust you."

"Clearly." I replied as the elevator opened. Randy was standing inside with a bell cart, loaded down with three suitcases and his wife. I giggled when I saw Blake sitting cross legged on the cart.

"We were just coming to get you!" Blake said.

"I appreciate that,but this kind gentleman helped me with my luggage." I said, gesturing to Jeff.

"Well that was nice of him." Blake said,pushing the button that held the doors open.

"It really was." I replied, feeling my face go pink.

"You gonna make me lose my ride or are ya gonna try and squeeze that thing in here?" Blake asked.

"I think we can get this in there...we've done it before." I replied.

Jeff pushed the cart into the elevator with ease and hugged me goodbye.

"I'll see you Tuesday." he told me.

"Okay...bye." I answered.

Blake allowed the doors to close and I sat down on my own bell cart. She was eyeing me,smiling.

"What?" I asked.

"You...and him!"

"Me and Jeff?" I replied.

She laughed. "Well,yeah."

"What about us?"

"You two have it so bad for one another."

"No,he's just being nice to me....he helped me with my luggage. How is that having it bad for someone?"

"Trust me,the way he looks at you,he has it BAD."

I know I was blushing. I was also fighting a smile. The flight to was peaceful and uneventful, and I didn't even have any threatening voice messages or texts from Phil when I got off the plane. Just one text. Jeff.

_I hope you made it to St. Louis safely. Have a good weekend._

"It's from Jeff,isn't it?" Randy leaned down and whispered in my ear.

I turned around and nodded sheepishly. We were waiting on Blake to come out of the bathroom before heading to the parking deck to find their car. Randy smirked and nodded. No wonder Blake was attracted to him. He was a beautiful man. Sparking blue eyes, strong features, tan, beautifully crafted tattoos, tall. He was a total sweetheart, too. Blake was his second wife, and she was having his second child. His daughter from his first marriage, Alanna, was about three years old. He worshipped the ground that little brown haired girl walked on, and the same went for Blake. I'd never seen a man love a woman the way he loved her. I hoped for that for myself someday.

Blake came out of the bathroom and stood next to me, scowling at Randy.

"What's the matter?" he asked.

"Everything. My feet are swelling,my back hurts,I can't go an hour without peeing,I'm hungry,and quite a few other things I don't care to mention." she said. By the sound of it, I didn't think I ever wanted to have a child.

"I know...my fault." Randy said.

"Damn right it's your fault."

"But I love you." he told her.

A smile crept across Blake's face and she stood on her tip toes while Randy bent down to kiss her.

I texted Jeff back and let him know we'd landed just fine. We headed out to the car and to their house. The baby shower wasn't until Friday, and it was only Wednesday. That meant two days of relaxation with my best friend, Phil free. I was looking forward to it. Some more of the girls would be coming in the next day, and some were coming in Friday, but they were all getting rentals and hotels, though Blake offered for them all to stay with her. Randy fixed us dinner when we got home and after dessert, we all headed into their living room to watch a movie.


	8. Chapter 8

Blake and I both fell asleep on the couch before the movie was over. Randy woke us both gently and we all trudged up the stairs sleepily to our beds. I collapsed into the fluffy queen sized clown and melted into it. I don't think I'd ever been this relaxed. The next day, Blake and I planned to swim all day long in their indoor pool. They lived like superstars...which is what we really were, but I was used to Phil's downtown Chicago apartment, not the mansion and the Cadillacs and Hummers. I wasn't accustomed to indoor pools and beds that felt like you were floating on air. We stayed in nice hotels but that was only because it's where work booked us for. In a way, I thought _I could get used to this_, but in a way I longed for a simple house, one or two stories, out in the country, somewhere peaceful. I liked nice things, but deep down, I was an quiet artsy indie punk rocker kid. I missed painting and playing guitar, things Phil wouldn't let me do since I lived with him. Growing up in Alabama, I was an outcast. I was looked at strangely for my wild hair colors and clothing choices. My parents never paid much attention to me, either. Unlike most children whose parents ignore them,I didn't rebell. I just kept to myself, listened to my music, and painted anything that I could. Jeff was the biggest influence on my life. I never touched drugs until I met Phil. I hated the life I lived, minus the fact that I had a couple amazing friends and the best job ever. I missed being me. I realized after plugging up my phone that I'd forgotten to take my birth control. I dug in my bags for it but failed in finding it. _I must have left it at the hotel,_ I thought to myself. I only had two days left before a new pack, so I'd be okay until I got home Monday. I wouldn't be seeing Phil until then, anyhow, so I wouldn't need it.

I climbed back into my cloud and drifted away to the dreamland station. I woke the next morning to Blake knocking on the door. She was in her swimsuit and had a towel draped over her arm.  
"Rise and shine!" she squealed.

I groaned and pulled the covers over my head.

"Oh no you don't! We're going swimming. The pool guy just left." she said, pulling the covers off of me.

"Ugh, Blake!"

"What? Randy's gone to visit Alanna today, so it's just me and you. After we go swimming we can go eat and shopping and stuff!" she said.

I looked at my phone. It was half past eleven AM. I'd had the best sleep in months and it had been nearly a week since I'd had any drugs. I felt a few withdrawal symptoms sometimes, but nothing serious. I felt good for the most part, and I didn't even have anything with me. I wasn't going to disrespect Randy and Blake that way.

"Fine. I'll get up. Give me a few minutes to change." I told her.

Blake knew about Phil beating me, so I didn't bother trying to cover the bruises that hadn't faded. We swam for about an hour before boredom sat in. We got out, showered, and dolled up before heading out for lunch and a shopping escapade. I bought a few presents for Blake's baby shower and a few outfits for myself. I also bought a new Jeff action figure at the toy store, and Blake teased me about it all day long. We got manicures and pedicures before heading back to her house,where Randy had returned from his day with Alanna. We decided to eat out for dinner,and all climbed into his Hummer. We ate at Outback, Randy paid. That was only the second time in my life a guy had paid for my dinner. I thanked him at least eight times.

"It was nothing,Sweetie. Really." Randy assured me.

"Still, I appreciate it. Phil never does things like that for me." I told him.

"Really?" he asked.

"Yeah...he's...odd."

"Yeah, I don't particularly care for him." Randy said.

"Yeah..." I said, staring out the window.

The rest of the ride back to their house was silent except for the radio.

Randy was playing Pantera, his favorite band. I was zoned out, thinking about Jeff, once again. My cheeks hurt when we got out of the Hummer. Blake smiled and shook her head.

"What?" I asked.

"Nothing."

"We gotta get to bed early tonight. Gotta decorate for your baby shower!" I said, trying to change the subject.

"Nah uh, Randy's mom and sister are doing that." Blake said.

"Oh."

"Uh huh. You're blushing."

"Am not."

"Yeah you are." she said,laughing.

"Shutup." I mumbled, pulling my hood up.

"Awww,you're so cute...all in love with Jeff."

My heart skipped a beat.

"What?" I said.

"Nothing...come inside...it's cold out."

We went inside and Randy started the fireplace. We sat in front of it and he fixed us all hot cocoa.

"Randy, you are too sweet." I said.

"Awww,thank you..." he replied, sitting next to Blake and sipping at his drink.

"No, really, you are. You're like the sweetest guy I've ever met....you and Jeff."

"You are really hung up on Jeff, Nix...not that it's a bad thing...but you are." Blake said.

"He's just been really nice to me...he's a good friend." I said.

"Jeff's a good guy." Randy said.

"Yeah, he's....he's really great." I replied, smiling.

"Phil seems like an ass." Randy said.

"He is...but..." I shrugged instead of finishing the sentence.

"You love him?" Randy asked.

"Randal!" Blake smacked Randy on the arm.

"It's ok Blake...and no,I don't think I do, Randy....I just..." I shrugged once again.

"But Jeff?" he asked.

I smiled.

Randy nodded. "I thought so."

"I've loved Jeff as a person for a long time....he's a good guy and he's my biggest inspiration...I admire him and now that we're becoming friends, I love him even more as a person."

"Yeah but isn't Phil kinda that 'I don't want you talking to other guys unless they're married or it's work related and I have to be there when you talk to them' kind of guy?" Randy asked.

I laughed at his long-winded question, but nodded and took a sip of my hot cocoa before replying.

"Yeah,he is....I hate that,too...I mean he lets me talk to you....but anyone else," I shook my head, "I'm not supposed to talk to Jeff,but I do when I can. I wish I could talk to and see him more often...he really is a good friend to me."

"Maybe you will soon. I think it's good that you and Jeff are friends...I think you're good for each other." Randy said.

I smiled warmly and looked into my empty cup.

"I think I'm gonna head to bed...I'll see you guys in the morning...Night." I said. I set my cup in the sink and headed upstairs to my cloud. The next morning I woke up to my phone chirping at me that I had a new text message.

"Good morning."

"Good morning to you, too!" I said.

"Did I wake you?"  
"Yeah, but it's okay. I need to get up anyway."

"Oh yeah,baby shower day huh?"

"Yep.I'm excited."

"Ha,I've never been to one...not a guys thing I guess."

"Nope, but Randy's gonna be here. Poor Randy,lol."

"Lol,I feel for him."

"One big ol' man and about forty chicks,haha!"

"Go buy him a big baby costume lol."

"We could,but I don't think he'd like that too much! Besides, Randy is a sweetheart,lol."

"Yeah,he's really cool. Good friend."

"Ha,he said the same about you."

"Did he?"  
"He did."

"Good to know that he thinks I'm a good friend lol."

"I think you're a good friend."  
"Aww thanks...well you have a good day & have fun at the baby shower, ok?"  
"I will. Talk to you later. Thanks for the wake up call,lol."

"No problem sweetie. Take care."

I pretty much jumped out of bed and danced around the room while I was getting dressed and straightening my hair. Jeff did that to me. It was so weird, maybe Blake was right. Maybe I did have it bad for Jeff. Maybe I did want to be more than just friends with him. I longed for Tuesday to come so I could see him again. I knew my whole day would be worthwhile just because of the way I got woken up. I fixed my makeup and dressed for the shower before heading downstairs to find Blake and Randy. I only found Blake, who was sitting at the bar in the dining room,scowling toward the living room at a group of about five women who were decorating for the baby shower.

"Where's Randy?" I asked.

"Gone to get something....they're doing an awful job of decorating."

"It doesn't look that bad."

"Becky and Elaine hired coordinators to decorate.."

"I see.."

"It looks terrible! You and I could've done a better job."

"Yeah...but it'll be okay." I assured her.

"Yeah....you want something to eat?" she offered.

"Have you eaten?" I asked.

"No. I just got up and got dressed, came downstairs, saw this, and found Randy's note...I was about to come get you."

"Oh...well I'll fix us breakfast...what do you want?"

"Nothing greasy....or eggs...or anything like that....fried chicken?"

"Um...." I opened the refrigerator and stared into it for a moment before a pair of hands covered my eyes.


	9. Chapter 9

I pulled the hands off of my eyes and turned around slowly to see who it was. My heart skipped a beat when I saw him smiling down at me. I wrapped my arms around his neck and nearly cried tears of joy. I don't know how he got there, why he was there....I just know I was happy to see him. Sure it had only been two days, but I'd missed him. At that moment I realized Blake was right. I totally had it bad for Jeff...and I liked it.

Jeff hugged me and kissed my cheek before breaking our embrace.

"Surprise." he said.

"The best surprise ever." I said.

"Really?" he asked.

"Really." I said.

Randy was standing behind Blake, smiling. He was behind Jeff being there, I bet. I'd thank him later. Jeff, Randy, Blake and I had a quick early lunch and the boys got ready for the shower to start.

"You should have seen the smile on your face when you saw him." Blake said to me as Jeff disppeared up the stairs.

"God...I'm still smiling, aren't I? Blake, you're right....I do have it bad." I told her.

"I know you do...and he does,too...Randy called him last night after you went up to bed..."

"That was really sweet of him."

"Yeah, Randy was like she deserves a chance to see him and not worry about pissing Phil off...so he called Jeff and talked to him about coming out, Jeff said yes, and...." Blake threw her hands up to finish the sentence.

"I'm glad he did..." I said.

"I know you are." she replied, smiling.

The boys came back downstairs a few minutes later, dressed in nice jeans and button down shirts. I'm positive I blushed at the sight of Jeff. He had a smile on his face as he came and stood beside me.

"Glad to be Phil-free for a few days?" he asked.

"God,more than you know."

Randy and Nixon disappeared, leaving Jeff and I alone.

"How have you been?"

"Good...I feel great..."

"Good...I'm glad." Jeff sat on the stool where Blake had been sitting. I wrapped my arms around his neck and hugged him once more. I couldn't help myself. I felt his arms wrap around my waist and he pulled me close. I let him hold me close for what seemed like forever. I liked being in his arms. He made me feel safe and protected. I knew that if Phil ever found out about this I'd be dead, but he wouldn't. No one here would tell him...so I was safe. I was protected. I didn't break the embrace. I liked the feeling it gave me. If we stayed like this forever, I'd be perfectly fine. Jeff ran his hands up and down my back, then my sides, and back around to my lower back again. I felt goosebumps rise all over.I'd never had anyone touch me so gently before, as if they were afraid to break me. I finally pulled away, resting my hands on the back of his neck. I stared into his green eyes, feeling a smile pulling at the corner of my lips. Before I knew it, my lips were brushing against his. My stomach came alive with more butterflies than I'd ever felt in my entire life. The doorbell rang, startling me and making my heart race more than it already was. I pulled away from him, barely able to breathe.

"I'd better go s-s--see who that is." I said, unmoving.

Jeff pulled me closer to him.

"Can't Randy or Blake get that?" he asked.

"I suppose they could..."

"Mhm...they can."

Our lips met once more, and the butterflies grew. My heartbeat was probably audible to whoever was at the door. I'd never been kissed this way. Actually, I'd never been kissed at all. Phil and I never shared a kiss. Should I tell Jeff that? Probably not. It was somewhat embarassing. I was twenty three years old, a non-virgin, who had never been kissed. Leave it to awkward, out of order me to lose my virginity before I had my first kiss. I was thoroughly enjoying kissing Jeff when Blake and her friend Marley came into the kitchen.

"Nixon,this is my friend Marley,Marley this is my best friend...woooaaaah....." Blake said.

Jeff and I pulled away from one another.

"My best friend Nixon...and...this is Jeff." she finished.

"Hi." Marley said.

Jeff waved slightly,and I blushed.

"Hey." I replied. Randy walked in about that time, asking Jeff for help in unloading something from the Hummer. He quickly followed behind Randy, while Blake and Marley moved further into the kitchen, Blake smiling nearly as big as I was.

"Oh...my...God." she said.

"Yeah...." I replied, biting my lip. I could still taste Jeff's lips on mine.

"Wow."

"Uh huh. My thoughts exactly."

"I am so lost." Marley said.

"Well Nixon has had a crush on Jeff for years, Jeff has a crush on Nixon, and neither of them want to admit it. They're 'good friends',so they say." Blake explained.

"Ah."

"Yep. But 'good friends' don't exactly make out with each other..." Blake laughed.

"Shhhh!" I hissed at her.

"You're still blushing." she teased.

"Oh shut it."

"It's cute!" Blake said.

"So is that." Marley replied.

We both looked up and saw Randy and Jeff hauling in a big box wrapped in shiny pink paper with an even pinker bow on it. Randy seemed to be losing his grip on the box, and sure enough, a few seconds later, dropped the heavy package on his bare foot.

"FUCK!"  
Blake and I both just gaped at him. That was one word that Randy was not allowed to say. Even I found it sexy when he said it. It was a word that was sexually attractive to me & Blake from any guy, but especially Randy. I would never forget the first time we both heard Matt, known to fans as Evan Bourne, cuss. We were so shocked that we had to ask him to repeat himself...twice. Even then, we still couldn't believe that Matt cussed.

"Damn it Randy, you saying that is exactly what got me pregnant!"

Marley,Jeff,and I all laughed until our sides hurt. Randy blushed, while Blake scowled. She was seriously moody these days, but it was funny.

"Honey,I'm sorry, it just hurt. I think I broke my toe."

"Well,serves you right." she pouted.

Randy came over and slipped an arm around her shoulders, leaned down, and kissed her cheek.

"You know I love you."

"I know...I love you too."

Blake stopped pouting and we all made our way into the living room to wait on the baby shower to start. Somehow I ended up sitting on the arm of a chair Jeff was sitting in, where he pulled me down onto his lap, his arms around my waist.

"Aren't you bored?" I asked him a few minutes later, while Blake stood in the middle of the room, growling at the people who were guessing how big around her belly was by measuring out lengths of yarn. He shook his head no, while we continued watching the game that was driving Blake into killer mode. Most of them were way too long, two were way too short, and two were exact. Blake swore they cheated. She opened her gifts and thanked everyone, though I could tell she thought some of the outfits were hideous. After everyone was gone, we all helped her take the things up to the nursery, then she sorted through them.

Jeff and I were sitting on my cloud talking (with the door open!) when she stopped by to invite us to go with her to Babies R Us and exchange them with her and Randy.

"I think I'm just gonna stay here." I told her.

"Okay....Jeff?"

"Nah, I'm just gonna chill...it's been a long day. Up since 4:30,ya know." he said, laughing. My heard skipped a beat and my stomach was alive with butterflies again. He was amazing...more amazing than I ever imagined he was...and here I was, about to be left completely alone with him. Suddenly, I was nervous. Maybe I should go with Blake. No, I shouldn't. Something told me to stay. My alone time with Jeff was extremely limited. I needed to take advantage of it.

"Okay...see you guys later. We'll probably get some dinner or something. If you guys decide to go anywhere, you can take my car. The keys are on the hook by the garage door."

"Thanks Blake." I replied.

She nodded and walked away, shutting the door behind her. _Thanks, Blake,_ I thought.

Jeff turned back to me and smirked.

"Now...where were we?" he asked.

"Um...we were talking about how much you want to break every bone in Phil's body." I reminded him.

"No....before that..." he said.

"Uh..." I stopped and tried to think about the conversation. Was I missing something?

"Need me to remind you?"  
"I am completely lost."

Jeff's lips touched mine and my arms wrapped around his neck, pulling him down on top of me in the white cloud.


	10. Chapter 10

I didn't want to let go. I didn't want to wake up from the dream I seemed to be living. The one man I had always dreamed of being with was on top of me, in a bed, his lips on mine. There was no way this was real. I wasn't going to chance waking up and losing the dream, so I kept my eyes tightly shut. Jeff's tongue parted my lips gently, sending electic waves throughout my body, something I'd never felt or experienced before. Our lips moved almost in sync with each other, as if we were singing a song to one another, the same song. He pulled away, ending our song. He pressed his forehead to mine, our breathing labored.

"I'm sorry." he said, breathless.

"Wh...please don't apologize..." I said, pulling his face back to mine, kissing his lips once again.

He pulled away once more.

"Nixon..."

I pressed my lips to his once more. I liked how they felt against mine. His kisses were soft and sweet, gentle, and comforting. He smiled and kissed my forehead, then my cheek, my lips, my neck. That was a new feeling all over. It made my toes tingle and curl. He kissed up a bit further on my neck, close to my jaw, then behind my ear. He was driving me insane. I decided to return the favor. I couldn't let him know that I had no idea what I was doing. I didn't want this to end before, and I sure as hell didn't want it to end now. I kissed his cheek, jawline, and down his neck.

"You...might not wanna do that." he whispered in my ear.

"Why not?" I asked, kissing his neck again.

"I don't want something to happen that we both regret." he replied.

"Jeff, I wouldn't regret anything that happened with you...." I told him.

His green eyes met my blues.  
"Sweetheart...I....I can't." he said.

Jeff rolled over on his back beside me, running his hands over his head. I turned on my side, facing him.  
"You can't just leave me hanging like that,either." I told him.

Jeff smirked and shook his head.  
"What about Phil? What if he found out?"

"Jeff, how the hell is Phil gonna find out? Are you gonna tell him? Am I? Blake? Randy? Their dog? Their unborn child?" I asked.

Jeff's expression changed. It was that caring,protective look he gave me that night in the locker room.

"Nixon....are you sure?" he asked.

"Jeff...I'm positive...I regret losing my virginity...I lost it to Phil...it wasn't sweet,or romantic,or anything. It was sloppy, and we were both high...he was drunk...it lasted all of ten minutes, and I've never even been remotely close to orgasm with him...don't be such a damn tease." I said.

_..?!_ I thought to myself.

"Nixon..."

"Jeff,please...make love to me..."

Jeff brushed my cheek with the back of his hand, and in the low light of the lamp on the bedside table, I could sense a look of passion in his eyes. It was almost as if he wanted this as badly as I did, but he was almost afraid to hurt me. Was I afraid? Of course I was afraid, but that didn't mean I didn't want it. I lived in fear every single day, but I didn't let it stop me. Fear wasn't going to stop me now, either.

Jeff's lips touched mine, but it felt different this time. I wasn't dreaming, that was certain now. I felt like crying tears of happiness, but I closed my eyes, losing myself in the moment that I never wanted to end. Jeff's hands were gentle as he caressed my face, arms, sides, thighs. I wrapped my arms around his neck once more, breathing his scent in. It reminded me of summertime back home, sultry and warm, and that was comforting to me. Suddenly, I felt more relaxed than I ever had in my entire life. It was like I was home again, in the comfort of a familiar place...somewhere I belonged.

I allowed Jeff to remove my shirt. I wasn't exactly comfortable with him seeing all the bruises and scars Phil had left behind, but he knew where my deepest scars were, and they weren't on the outside. He stopped for a moment, staring me in the face.  
"What is it?" I asked.

"Nothing..."

"Jeff..."

"You're...just...beautiful is all..."

Once again, I found myself fighting tears. No one had ever called me beautiful. Ever. Jeff's lips gently kissed every bruise and scar, sending chills all over once more. He kissed up my body, between my breasts, until his lips met mine once more.

"Are you sure?" he asked again.

"Yes." I replied, breathless.

"I feel like I'm taking advantage of you." he said,hesitant.

"Jeff, don't feel like that...I want this...please." I stared deeply into his eyes, giving him a pleading look, so he'd know for sure that I was serious. He nodded and kissed my forehead. He unbuttoned his shirt and threw it off to the side. He kissed me again, unbuttoning my jeans and sliding them off. He kissed down my sides, and across the tattoo that wrapped around from my lower back to my pelvis.

"I didn't know that was there." he whispered.

"Mhm..." I said, my eyes closed.

He kept kissing me all over, moving from my torso to my thighs. I was starting to shake, nerves and adrenaline taking over.

"." I whispered.

Jeff stopped once again, and I felt his hands on my face. My eyes opened to see his eyes locked on mine.

"Nixon you deserve better than that...I refuse to give you anything less than what you deserve."

"Jeff what are you talking about? Quit teasing me."

"No...you deserve to know how beautiful you are....you are perfect in so many ways...you deserve to be loved, Nixon. That's what I'm going to show you...love...."


	11. Chapter 11

The rest of our clothes were on the floor in a moment's time, while our bodies were melted and molded together by the heat radiating between us. I'd never felt so safe, so at home, so wanted...he actually made me believe I was beautiful and deserving and worthy. For the first time, I wanted sexual pleasure. I yearned for his body, but he was taking things slow...not painfully slow, but lovingly, caring and gently slow. He moved in and out, slow and steady, strands of his colored hair slowly falling from his ponytail. I pulled him down to kiss his lips, while removing the elastic that secured his hair. It fell in loose purple and blue waves around his perfect face,down onto his shoulders.

He was so beautiful, maybe I was the only one who thought so, but he was. I had an unfamiliar feeling building inside of me...almost anxious...electric...becoming stronger and stronger, then finally erupting, sending pulsating,unfamiliar,yet pleasurable waves all over my body. My breathing became heavier as Jeff's movements slowed...he leaned down to kiss me, then went to pull out.

"No....you don't have to....I'm on birth control..." I told him, my voice in a shaky whisper.

Jeff laid down beside me a few minutes later, breathless.

I reached over and touched his face, just so I'd know he was real...that this was real...he pressed my fingers to his lips and kissed them softly. I smiled, leaned over, and kissed his lips in return. I snuggled up closer to him, laying my head on his chest. I could hear and feel his heart racing underneath my ear, playing a beautiful melody. I realized at that moment that I was falling in love with him, something dangerous...so dangerous that if the wrong person knew, I'd be in deep trouble. Jeff stroked my hair as we lay together in silence.

A few minutes later, he broke the silence.

"You ok?" he asked.

"Mhm...I'm fine....you're amazing...so perfect...so gorgeous..." I said.

He kissed my forehead.  
"You're the beautiful one, Nix...but thank you...."

"I'm gonna go get a shower....you gonna come with me?" I asked.

"You want me to?"

"I asked, didn't I?"

Jeff smiled and nodded, sitting up in the bed. I peeked out the window to see if Randy and Blake had made it back yet, but the driveway was still empty.

"They back?" he asked.

"No..."

We grabbed clean clothes and headed to the bathroom across the hall. In the light of the bathroom, my scars,bruises,and tattoos were more visible to Jeff.

"God..." he whispered.

"I'm not as beautiful now, am I?"

"Yes, you are...you're still beautiful to me, Nix..." he touched my face gently.

I turned away from his touch in denial.

"How can you find this beautiful? So many scars...bruises..."

"Because I see through it....I see what's in here."

We exited the bathroom just as Randy and Blake walked in the house. We jetted across the hallway back to the bedroom, where he pulled the sheets off the bed and replaced them with the fresh ones that were in the dresser. A knock came at the door just as he was throwing the pillows back on.

"Come in..." I said.

Blake opened the door and peeked in.

"Have you guys eaten?" she asked.

"No." we both replied in unison.

She eyed me suspiciously, a smirk creeping across her face.

"Well, neither have we, so we decided to swing by here and see if you guys wanted to go grab a bite with us."

I looked back at Jeff who nodded.

"Yeah,where we going?" I asked.

"Doesn't matter...Randy said something about Cracker Barrel."

"Mkay...I'm gonna put on some makeup and I'll be right down."

"You don't need it." Jeff whispered in my ear. I looked up at him, feeling my cheeks go pink. He winked and smiled as he exited the room, walking past Blake, who came in and shut the door.  
"What happened?" she demanded.

I fought a smile, pulling out my makeup.

"Oh...my God." she said.

"What?" I asked.

"You and Jeff...."

"What about us?"

"Nixon. There are sheets in the corner of the room. Both of you have wet hair and you are all giggly....you were in here with the door shut....I'm pregnant. I know what happened. You and Jeff had sex!"

I laughed.  
"Blake, honestly, there was much more to it than that."

"What do you mean?" she asked.

"It was more like...we made love."

"Really?" she asked.

I nodded.  
"He told me I deserved nothing less...and that refused to give me anything less than what I deserve...he told me that I deserved to be loved, and that I was beautiful..."

I felt my eyes watering. I blinked my eyes and shook my head, smiling.

"Wow." Blake said.

"I know...he's amazing...he's so much more than you can possibly imagine..."

"You love him?"

"We've known that for a long time, Blake."

"But it's more real now..."

"More real than it's ever been....but I can't let it happen...I can't leave Phil. He'd kill me and Jeff both."

Blake just looked at me sympathetically.

"Well...we better go." I said, grabbing my purse.

"I'm gonna go to the bathroom. I'll be down in a second." she replied.

I headed downstairs where Randy was standing alone in the foyer.

"Hey." he said.  
"Hey...where's Jeff?"

"He went upstairs to change shirts I think."

"Oh...um...hey...I wanted to thank you for bringing him out here this weekend, Randy....really...it means a lot to me. Thank you, so much." I said.

"No problem, Sweetie." he replied, giving me a hug. Randy was a sweet man; Blake was lucky to have him. A few seconds later, both Blake and Jeff were descending the stairs, ready to go. We all enjoyed a late dinner together and headed back home just as lightning began to light up the sky.


	12. Chapter 12

"Looks like we're in for a night of bad weather." Randy said.

"I hate bad weather." I replied.

"I'll keep you safe." Jeff whispered in my ear. I smiled up at him and snuggled closer to him in the backseat of Randy's Hummer.

I fell asleep in Jeff's arms, watching a movie in the living room with Blake and Randy. Apparently, he carried me up the stairs to my cloud and spent the night next to me,never leaving my side. I woke up in the middle of the night once, after a vivid nightmare of Phil pushing me down a flight of stairs. I kept saying "my baby" over and over,no idea why,but I did. Luckily I didn't wake anyone else. Jeff slept peacefully next to me. I laid back down and tried to shake off the dream, my mind racing. My baby? Why would I say that? I didn't have a baby. I was on...._Oh fuck._ My heart stopped. I hadn't taken my birth control in two days...and Jeff and I didn't use any sort of contraceptive at all. I'd be okay though, right? After all, I'd been told many times by several doctors that I'd never be able to have kids anyway. Plus, with all the drugs I'd been on the past few months, a baby wouldn't stand a chance of living in me. Right? I had trouble falling back asleep,but I finally assured myself that there was no possible way I'd end up pregnant.

Five weeks later,I was two weeks late. I was sitting on the bathroom counter of mine and Blake's dressing room, shaking all over, waiting for the longest three minutes of my life to be over.

"Nixon, calm down. I'm sure it's just stress. Phil's a dick as always, you lost your birth control back, you just had a drug test, there's a lot going on. I'm sure you're not..." the test beeped.

I grabbed it and stared at the mini digital screen on the stick.

"_Pregnant._" I said, my eyes welling up with tears.

"Let me see that." she said, snatching the test from my hand. There was no denying it. It was the second test I'd taken, both of them positive.

"Blake...I'm pregnant...and it's Jeff's baby,I know it is...it only makes sense...but I can't let him know...or Phil..or anyone, you can't tell anyone." I said.

"Sweetie, sooner or later, someone is gonna find out...and you can't be wrestling in your condition....you need to at least let Steph know so she doesn't script you for any physical activity..." she rambled.

"Blake! I failed my drug test. Tonight's my last night on camera for thirty days."

"Oh no..."

"I have to go tell Jeff about that...he's gonna be so disappointed...I'll be back."

I'd just found out when I came in. I'd failed my drug test. I hadn't taken anything in nearly four weeks,yet I'd failed my drug test. I was the first diva to ever be suspended. I was going to be scripted out for thirty days, though, a member of the Straight-Edge Society couldn't be suspended for drug use. No. Jeff was going to accidentally 'injure' me, and I was going to be gone for a month, 'healing' my injury. He wasn't too happy about it when he found out, but then I swore to him that I hadn't taken anything since before he and I slept together. A look in the eyes and a kiss on the lips was all it took for him to believe me.

"Okay,okay...I believe you...but you shouldn't be kissing me like that...might get caught." he said.

"I don't even care." I said, wrapping my arms around his waist, letting a few tears slip.

"I do...I don't want to see you hurt again."

"I love you, Jeff."

"And I love you..." he said.

"I...there's...Jeff I..."

"What is it?"

"I'm..." I stolled myself. I wasn't ready to tell him yet.

"What?"

"I'm gonna miss you while I'm gone. And go easy on me tonight okay?"

"I won't hurt you, Baby. You know that. What did I promise you?"

I smiled and hugged him before leaving the room, deciding to not tell him I was pregnant. At least not yet. It would stay between me and Blake, and when I came back, I could tell other people. That gave me a month. I'd be nearly two months pregnant by then. That was a scary thought. I did however, enjoy the thought of five day spans without Phil at home. Five days Phil-Free per week, all alone. He was another person that couldn't know about my pregnancy. I didn't know how I was going to hide it from him, but I was. Maybe I'd have to quit wrestling for a while, and hide out...but then I wouldn't be able to go back to WWE, not as long as Phil was there. That's fine, I thought, TNA was good too, and their women's division was much more competitive...yeah,that was it. I'd leave WWE, have the baby, get back into shape, and go to TNA. Perfect. Now, just to quit being so nauseated all the time...that seemed nearly impossible. I bumped into Phil on the way out of Jeff's locker room. Wonderful. Just who I needed to run into coming from seeing Jeff.

"I was just going to speak with Hardy....were you talking to him about tonight's match?" Phil asked.

"Yeah...just discussing what's going to happen..." I said. He put this fear in me that no one else could, and that only Jeff could take away.

Phil got within inches of my face and spoke to me in a harsh whisper.

"Do you have any idea how fucking pissed off I am at you about this? I told you not to get caught, not to fail a drug test, not to fuck up...what did you do? You fucked up, just like you always do. Just wait until we get home." he said.

I smelled something on his breath that my baby did not like. I felt the bile rising in my throat more and more with every word he spoke, my stomach in knots. If he didn't get out of the way within thirty seconds, I was going to blow chunks all over him. That would result in more of a beating than I was already in for. A new fear was now instilled in me, atop the one that I was accustomed to. I was worried more for my baby's life and well being than my own when I knew a beating was coming. Phil moved past me and into Jeff's locker room, leaving me with my head in the trash can across the hall. Wonderful. That was the third time that day I'd gotten sick. My child hated me. Phil hated me. If it weren't for Jeff, I'd hate me.

I spent my suspension at home alone, either laying on the couch or the bathroom floor. Almost everything I ate,my baby rejected, except for lasagna, Chinese pepper steak, and lemon pepper chicken. Jeff and I talked less and less, even though it was easier without Phil around me to watch over my every move. I guess in a way, I was preparing him from when I made my run. It seemed like he'd gotten attached to me,hell, I'd gotten attached from him...but I thought it would be easier to push him away than to just disappear. I didn't plan on telling him or anyone else about the baby. I planned to give it up for adoption. I couldn't take care of a kid. I wasn't ready. However, running away was the best move I could make. I'd get away from Phil for good. Hopefully he wouldn't hunt me down. The thirty days passed by entirely too fast, and soon I was around Phil seven days a week again. I avoided Jeff for the most part, and when we did see each other or speak it was awkward, mainly because I was being so secretive.

"What's up with you?" he asked me, sitting on the bench in the women's locker room as I dressed for a match. I had a bad feeling about him being there, and with that question, the feeling just got worse.

"What do you mean?" I asked, my back to him. I'd started showing already, not much, but enough to notice.

"You've been ignoring my calls and texts....you seem like you're scared of me, Nix....you know I'd never ever hurt you."

I could feel him standing behind me, and I could hear hurt in his voice. Great. I was doing just what I didn't want to do, hurt him. I pulled my shirt down over my head and turned to face him.

"I'm sorry." I said.

Jeff brushed my face with the back of his hand and kissed my forehead.

"I'm gonna go get dressed for the match...stop being so secretive and quiet....it's like you're not even back from your thirty days...and you've been back for two weeks. I don't like missing you, Nixon."

When he walked out into the hallway and the door closed behind him, I sat down on the bench with my head in my hands and let a few tears slip. I was beating myself up inside of my thirteen-weeks pregnant body for hurting my child's father. He'd always been so sweet and protective of me, the least I could do was be nice in return. I found myself pondering telling Jeff that I was pregnant, maybe he could help me get away. The door swung open and slammed into the concrete wall, startling me. I looked up to see Phil, blood on his hands, seething, staring me down. My heart stopped. Why was there blood on his hands? Why was he so angry?

"What the fuck was he doing in here?" he yelled.

Jeff. Phil saw him leaving. Jeff was hurt, that was his blood on Phil's hands. Suddenly, I was filled with rage. How dare he?! To Jeff! The father of my child, the love of my life...all these thoughts were running through my head, and only one thing registered. Kill him. I didn't care what happened to me, but Phil wasn't going to hurt Jeff. I was going to hurt Phil.

I lunged at him, digging my nails into the side of his face. He was stronger than me, though, and he pushed me to the ground with ease. He punched at me, slapped at me, spit on me. I was crying, not tears of pain or fear, but tears of anger. I tried to fight back, but he was just too strong. He got off of me and pulled me up by my hair, dragging me out into the hallway. I screamed for help but he clasped a bloody hand over my mouth. The smell made me absolutely sick, and I vomited into his hand.

"What the hell is your problem?" he yelled at me. Where was everyone when I just needed someone? I needed someone...I wanted Jeff...but he was laying somewhere, bloody and beaten by Phil...because of me. I cried harder, my heart completely broken. Phil opened a door that lead down to the basement of the arena. I had a feeling I'd never leave that basement. I'd crossed the line. He told me he'd kill me before, for many reasons, and catching me with Jeff was one of them. This was it. Hello, fate.

"Let her go." a deep voice came from behind us. The voice was smooth and dark, like black velvet, yet commanding.

Phil laughed, obviously not realizing who was standing behind us. He turned around, dragging me with him. I looked up and saw Randy through my tears. His jaw was twitching and his body was tense. Since I didn't get to kill Phil, Randy was surely going to take care of it. He was a former Marine...trained to kill. At least I knew after Randy finished with him, I'd be safe. Blake crossed my mind, her husband would be in jail for the rest of his life. Wonderful. All because of me. A part of me wished for Phil to carry me down to that basement and fulfill his promise.

"Let her go, Punk." Randy said.  
"Fine." Phil let go of me and I collapsed to the ground. I pulled myself up to my hands and knees, trying to pull myself to my feet. I was hurting too badly, and far too weak to move any more. Phil kicked me in the stomach hard, and I fell flat again.

"Leave her alone. Get away from her. Now." Randy demanded.

"What are you gonna do, Orton? Hm?" he chuckled.

My body was racked with pain, radiating from head to toe, and I couldn't stop crying to save my life.  
I pulled myself up to my hands and knees once more, only to have Phil grab me up by my hair again. He pulled me around to face Randy, and now, a bloody nosed Jeff.

"Nixon..." he said, walking toward me.

"Take another step and I kill her." Phil threatened.

"Get your fucking hands off of her." Jeff said. He didn't move, though. Suddenly I had a flashback to a night not so long ago. I was laying in Jeff's arms and shaken awake by a vivid nightmare. Suddenly I realized that nightmare was turning into deja vu. Two words came to my mind and escaped my lips.

"My baby." I whispered.

"Shut up." Phil hissed into my ear.

I cried harder, and the nightmare slowly became more and more true. I was remembering parts of the dream I didn't before. Everything was exactly the same, Randy moved forward and so did Jeff, one trying to grab for me, while the other tried to grab for Phil. But my puppeteer turned me around swiftly and pushed me down the dark stairwell. I hit my head hard on the concrete and blacked out.

I was in and out during the ambulance ride to the hospital. I remember Jeff holding my hand, and the wailing of the sirens. I remember feeling like I was going to die from the pain. Part of me wanted to.

"Jeff." I whispered.

"Shh...it's going to be okay....he won't hurt you anymore, Nix...I won't let him."

"Jeff..." I whispered once more before closing my eyes again.


	13. Chapter 13

When I finally woke up the next morning, I was still in excruciating pain, and Jeff was still at my side...somewhat. He was laying on a couch across the room, staring up at the ceiling.

"Jeff..." I tried calling his name, but it was weak. My throat was parched and achy. I had IVs and a nasal cannula oxygen supply. There were monitors beeping and I was immensely uncomfortable. Jeff looked over at me and got to his feet, walking slowly toward me. He grabbed my hand and kissed it, his eyes filling with tears.

"Don't." I whispered.

"I love you, Nixon." he told me.

"I love you too." I whispered, my eyes also filling with tears.

"Hang on...I was told to come get someone when you woke up...I'll be right back, okay?" he said.

I nodded and reluctantly let go of his hand. He returned a moment later, a short,plump nurse behind him. She checked my vitals and asked me a few questions. She got approval from a doctor to increase my pain medicine and fluids. She said that I could go home the next day, then left Jeff and I alone again.

"Do you remember anything that happened?" he asked.

I took a sip of water and wished he hadn't asked me that question.

"Unfortunately I remember most everything...I remember him pushing me down the stairs...and you holding my hand in the ambulance....and that's it until now."

"Yeah...I've been right by your side...except when you were in surgery," he said, "they wouldn't let me in there."

"Surgery?" I asked.

"Mhm....they had to do some...D&C thing..." he told me.

"No..." I said,my heart dropping. I knew what that meant.

"Was it mine or his?" Jeff asked, his voice cracking.

I let the tears fall. I didn't fight them. Jeff didn't fight his, either.

"Yours...Jeff I'm sorry I didn't tell you...I was just scared..." I replied.

"Nixon...you could've told me....I would've taken care of you and none of this would've happened....none of it."

"Jeff,I'm so sorry..."

"It's okay...shh...I love you." he whispered, his lips against my forehead.

"What happened to him?"

"Does it matter?"

"Did Randy kill him? Oh God, Randy...he killed him, didn't he? He's gone to jail and Blake's going to have a baby all on her own...and Alanna and their baby are going to grow up without a father..." I rambled.

"Nixon, Nixon...stop...Randy hit Phil a few times but he didn't kill him. He wanted to. But Nix....Blake's in the hospital...she's two floors up, she's in labor." he told me.

"What? Oh no...is she okay?" I asked.

"Yeah, but they can't stop the labor...she's almost ready to deliver...the baby's coming."

"Is Randy with her?" I replied.

"Yeah...Phil wants to press charges on him...he said the only way he'll drop the charges is if you go back to him."

"I can't let Blake be without Randy....I'll have to go back."  
"Are you insane?" Jeff said, standing up.

"Jeff, I have to...he'll just come after me again..this won't ever end."

"Nixon, if you go back to him, I can't promise I'll be able to save you again...this is killing me...I keep trying and trying and you keep going back to him...you keep letting him do this shit to you."

"Jeff, I can't let him press charges on Randy."

"Randy has a good lawyer, he already said that."

"Jeff, I can't."

"You can't what? Run away? Leave him...get away from this? It's your choice. You can continue living with him and killing yourself...or you can come with me....here's your chance....take it....make your move while you're still breathing, Nixon. It's now or never."

"Jeff, I'm scared..." I said, a few tears falling from my eyes.

He sat on the bed and took one of my hands in both of his.

"Nixon, look at me....look me in the eyes...I promise you I won't let anything happen to you...you can get away. I have until Sunday to decide whether to re-sign with WWE or not...if you want to take this chance to get away from Phil and for us to be together, then take it...we'll leave together, hand in hand....if you decide to stay with Phil, then I'm still going to leave...I can't watch you hurt anymore..."

"You really do care about me, don't you?" I asked.

"More than you can imagine..." he told me.

I nodded.

"It's like I'm about to miss my train...but someone stopped it, and they're waiting for me....and I just have to make a decision to hop aboard or stay behind..."

"Mhm..."

"I'm just scared he'll come after me."

"I won't let him, Nixon...I swear to God,I'll take care of you."

"And if he does come after me?"  
"I'll kill him, plain and simple."

"But then we wouldn't be together..."

"He won't come after you...there's things we can do to prevent that, babe..."

"So....if I take this chance....me and you running away together..."

"I hope you take it, Nixon....damn it, you don't know how bad I hope you take it..." he whispered, a tear rolling down his cheek.

I sat up as best I could and wiped the tear away.

"Sunday you make your decision?"

"Sunday morning....before the pay-per-view."

"Can you give me time to think about it?"

"What is there to think about?" he asked.

"Jeff, if I leave, I'll be walking away from living my dream."

"Nixon, if you don't leave, you won't be living for long. Damn it, I'm trying to save your life here, and all you're worried about is wrestling! Sometimes there are things more important!"

Jeff stood up and ran his hands over his hair, clearly frustrated.

"You said it yourself, Jeff, desire means never quit. I have those words tattooed on my body as a reminder to never ever give up my dream...to never quit....but you've quit before, so congratulations, Jeff. You're a hypocrite." I said.

"Me?! A hypocrite? Look who's talking...the princess of the straight-edge society."

"If I had things my way, I would have never done the things I've been forced to do and you know that!"

"I don't know anything anymore Nixon. It's almost like you enjoy being with him. It's like you enjoy the things he does to you."

"Jeff, I don't enjoy anything with Phil. None of it. My life is a have no idea what it's like to be me."

I broke down, crying uncontrollably. I wished for Jeff to come hold me until I stopped, but I didn't think he would.

"The tell me, Nixon. What's it like?"  
Jeff sat on the bed once more, looking at me with that same sympathetic look he used to give me.

"You can scream out loud, but your panic falls on deaf ears...there's a faceless crowd with no sympathy....you can scream out loud, but there's no one listening..." I told him.

"I'm listening....I've been listening....I've been listening for way longer than you think....ever since you got put with him, I've watched you...I know how he is...I've cared about you for a long time now, and I just don't want you to go through what I went through....I know what it's like to be in your position...you may not think I know, but I do know."

"What are you talking about?"

"I was with my last girlfriend for over nine years, Nixon....we had a nasty breakup...and I was scared to leave her, too...not really for my own safety and well-being as much as hers....I would've never gotten on the drugs I was on had it not been for her....but I did...I made mistakes I can't erase, and that will follow me for the rest of my life...I had to get away though, before I threw everything I have ever worked for away for good...I won't let that happen to you...so make your choice, Nixon. Now. I can't wait for you to decide. It's me or Phil."


	14. Chapter 14

Five days later, I was sitting rather uncomfortably in a first-class seat on a plane bound for Raleigh,North Carolina. Phil was suspended, and so was Randy. Blake had given birth to their daughter Thursday night, naming her Tatum Kyle....TKO. My best friend was a nerd. She was underweight and had a few problems breathing,but other than that, she was fine. The doctors said she'd be home by her due date. Jeff had his final match Sunday at the pay-per-view, and I had gotten my release. I felt much better, and safer now. I wasn't sure exactly what Jeff and I were, but it was for sure more than I'd ever had with anyone in my twenty three years of living. He was way too good to me, far more than I deserved, but I held onto him for dear life, most of the time quite literally. The miscarriage and fall had left me quite weak and banged up, miraculously without broken bones or a severe concussion--just a few stitches and countless emotional scars.

I was laying in Jeff's bed, wrapped in his arms a few nights after we got there when he brought it all up for the first time since he'd given me my ultimatum.

"I'm proud of you, ya know?"

"Me?"

"Yeah, you..."

"Why?"

"You tried to fight him off...you were trying to defend yourself for once."

"I was angry."  
"Yeah...but you've been angry before and haven't tried to fight him off...what changed?"

"He hurt you."

Jeff rolled over and turned on the lamp.

"So you tried to beat Phil up because he hurt me?"

"Mhm...I wasn't about to let that happen....no one hurts you and gets away with it."

He smiled and kissed my lips softly.

"Same goes for you,Nixon."

"You're my hero, Jeff...."

"I'm no hero, Nix...far from it."

"No, Jeff...you're my hero....I love you."

"I love you too, sweetheart....now, let's get some sleep."

He turned off the lamp and pulled me closer to him, and I soon drifted off into a deep sleep, only to be awoken a few hours later by a vivid flashback nightmare. I woke up screaming, in a cold sweat, tears pouring down my face.

"My baby....not my baby."

The lamp came on again and Jeff wrapped me tightly in his arms, my head against his chest.

"Shh...it's okay, Nix...I'm here, baby...I'm here."

"Jeff, he killed our baby." I sobbed.

"I know...I know..."

His soothing voice and comforting touch were my new security blanket.

"Jeff...I'm so sorry...it's my fault..."

"No it isn't...it's gonna be alright...."

"I just wish I hadn't fought him off...then maybe we'd still have our baby..."

"Sweetie everything happens for a reason...this included...now we're together....everything is gonna be okay. I promise."

"Jeff promise me something..."

"Anything..."

"You can never ever leave me."

"I sure as hell don't plan on it, Nix....I'm gonna be here as long as I'm alive...unless you tell me to leave...and even then I can't promise that I'd leave..."

"I don't think I could ever tell you to leave, Jeff..."

He kissed my forehead and rubbed my back.

"Good...cause I don't ever wanna leave...I promised you before I'll always be there for you and I mean that."

I nodded, squeezing him tighter.  
He leaned over and turned off the lamp, all the while holding on to me. I fell asleep again soon, his arms wrapped tightly around me. I felt safe, and slept soundly for the rest of the night. The next morning he took me to my new doctor for a follow-up on my D & C procedure. They told me that I'd have light uterine scarring, and probably some pretty brutal cramps with my periods for a while, but other than that, everything would be fine. They said to continue taking the medicines the doctor back in Salt Lake City had prescribed until they were gone, and to come back in four weeks.

After the doctor, we went and got a restraining order on Phil. He couldn't come near me, unless it was in court or if I was escorted by an officer of the law.

"Did you want to go to Chicago to get your things?" Jeff asked me on the way home.

"Um...I have a few things I need...but I'm really scared to go there."

"I'll be with you...and we'll have two police with us...you'll be okay."

"Can we go when he isn't there?"

"Of course...whatever makes you feel safest."

I nodded and stared out the window. What would make me feel safest was Phil six feet under. I despised him and everything he had ever done to me. He ripped my dream away from me, killed my unborn child, and broke Jeff's nose. He caused Randy to get suspended, and Blake to go into early labor. I was finally realizing that Jeff was right. None of what happened was my fault, it was Phil's, and I was angry about it. My counselor told me it was okay to be angry, though, and after I was feeling better, Jeff bought me a punching bag to take my anger out on. He also bought a cardboard cutout of Phil and a gun. I used the cardboard cutout of Phil as target practice. I got a bulls-eye on the third try. One bullet, straight through where his heart was supposed to be.

The first weekend Phil's suspension was lifted, Jeff and I flew to Chicago to get my things. They were all exactly where I'd left them. There were dishes piled in the sink, drugs lying all around the house, empty liquor bottles lying on the floor. The two cops who escorted me to my former home called their supervisor while I gathered my belongings.

"I can't believe you lived in this..." Jeff said, standing in the doorway of Phil's bedroom.

"I can't believe i lived in this." I replied.

"It's horrible..."

"This place is what I call hell."

"I can see why."

"I hate it here....but I don't have to come back here, ever again." I said, tossing the last of my makeup into my bag.

"Nope....never." Jeff put an arm around my shoulders, smiling.

We met the two officers in the living room and let them know we were ready to go. They escorted me off of the property and back to the airport, where we caught our flight back to North Carolina.

I was happier than I'd ever been. Jeff treated me so well, and he really cared about me. I fell more and more in love with him with each passing day. He was always extremely gentle with me, never spoke a harsh word, always encouraging, never failing to make me smile. I finally knew what the meaning of true love was.

We were driving home from RDU when I realized that if I were still pregnant, we'd soon be finding out the sex of our baby.

"I wonder if our baby was a boy or girl..." I said.

"That was totally random....what made you think about that?"

"Well, if I was still pregnant, it'd be about time to find out..."

"Oh..."

The miscarriage was a touchy subject, and we didn't bring it up often.

"I just thought about that...I bet it was a boy."

"You think so?"

"Mhm..."

"And what would you name him?"

"Kaedyn Nero."

"I like that."

"You do?"

"I do..."  
Jeff smiled warmly and genuinely. I thought about Blake and Randy, and Tatum. The doctors had let them go home a few days prior. Jeff and I were planning to visit them a few weeks later, as soon as they were settled with the new baby.

"Maybe one day, we can try for another baby..." I said.

"Whenever you're ready, sweetheart."

"Really?"

"Of course."

"I think I wanna wrestle some more first....at least two or three more years....even if it's just in the indies. I want to do a little modeling, maybe some acting, singing, work on my art and writing...."

"You just wanna do it all, don't you?"

"I do....but you know what?"

"What?"

"If I never do anything else, as long as I have you, I'll be happy."

"Aww...I love you."

"I love you, too....much more than you could ever possibly 'x-pand your imag-i-nation' to comprehend."

Jeff laughed & my stomach did that little butterfly dance. Yeah, I was most definitely in love with this man. I was sure of that. What I wasn't quite sure of was why he felt the same about me...we still were getting to know each other in so many ways...our relationship seemed somewhat out of order. We were friends first, like normal couples, I guess...but we didn't really know much about each other. Well...he didn't know much about me.

He knew my parents and I didn't get along, and he knew about the nine months I spent with Phil. He knew that Blake and I had been best friends for a few years, and that I'd watched wrestling my whole life...but did he really know me?

Jeff was sitting in the living room picking at his dad's old guitar, staring up at the ceiling one night when I took a seat on the couch beside him.

"Hey babe..." he said, still strumming.

"Hey...what ya playin?"

"Just a tune I've got stuck in my head...I don't really know what it is."

"Sounds good."

He smiled and looked at me.  
"Thanks."

"No problem..."

"What's on your mind? You look like you've got somethin' bothering you..."

"Not really bothering me...I just feel like we don't know each other well enough..."

"What do you mean?" he asked, setting his guitar down and turning to face me.

I sighed and took his right hand into mine, looking down at our interlaced fingers...what a perfect picture...yeah,we belonged together.

"What I mean is, we're together, we live together, we love each other, and we almost had a baby together...but we don't know each other deep down....that's something I want with you. I want you to know me, and I want you to know me."

"That's true.....well....what do you want me to know about you?"

"I'm not good with telling people about myself....what do you want to know about me?"

"I guess there's little things I don't know...like your favorite color..."

"Purple,black,and green."

"Simple enough." he laughed.

"Your most prized possession?"

"Um...like a material posession?"

"Yeah."

"Probably my world title. It's what I worked my whole life for."

"I can understand that."

"Yours?"

"Um...you're gonna laugh at me."

"No, I won't. What is it?"  
"Can I show you?"

"Of course."

I got up and went to the guest room where some of my things were still packed away. I opened the first box and removed the paper that was wrapped around the picture frame that laid on top. I clutched it to my chest, the front against my skin. I sat down on the couch next to Jeff again, took a deep breath and showed him.

"You promised not to laugh." I reminded him.

He took the frame from my hands and looked at it, a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth.

"When was this?"

"I was seventeen...first time I met you...."

"I don't think this is something to laugh at...I think it's sweet. We should hang it up in here."

"Really?"

"It's our first picture as a couple." he said.

"We weren't together yet, Goose."

"I know that, Silly."

"But you're right. It was our first picture together."

"So that makes it special."

"It's very special to me."

"You're special to me."

I blushed. He was too sweet.

"You're so sweet, Jeffro...I love you." I leaned against him and linked my arms around his. He rested his head against mine and sat the picture on the table by the couch.

"I love you....what else do you want to know?"

"Your favorite alcoholic beverage."

Jeff looked at me and smirked.

"Random...but okay. Jack Daniels."

"Ew...gross."

"What's yours?"

"To be honest, I don't really care to drink...but when I do, I like vodka."

"Understandable...what kind of vodka?"

"Grey Goose or Smirnoff."

"The Goose,huh?"

I laughed and nodded.

"Favorite food?"

"Hmm...pepper steak...lemon pepper chicken...lasagna...."

"Wow."

"What?"

I shook my head. "Nothing."

"No, what?"

"That's what I craved when I was pregnant." I told him.

"Oh...wow."

"Yeah...."

"I'm sorry..."

"It's okay..."

He kissed my forehead and pondered before asking another question.

"Favorite band?"

"Framing Hanley, no doubt. They are absolutely a-freaking-mazing. I love those guys. Miss them."

"You're friends with them?"

"They did my entrance music! And yeah, I've known them for a few years now...guess what the lead singer's name is?"

"What?"  
"Nixon."

"Really?"

"Well, that's his last name. His name is Kenneth Nixon. Kenneth Wayne Nixon."

"Wow...and your name is Nixon Wayne."

"I know. Weird, right?"

"Very. What's your middle name?"

"I hate it."  
"Why?"

"I dunno, I just hate it." I laughed.

"What is it?"

"Elexxis.E-l-e-x-x-i-s."

"What's so bad about that? I think it's pretty."

"I just hate it....do you like yours?"

"It's different. Unique. It fits me...so I guess so, yeah." he replied.

"I love your middle name."

"You do?"

"I do...if I ever have a son I wanna name him Kayden Nero."

"I like that."

I smiled up at him and kissed his bicep.

He smiled back down at me and all of a sudden, I felt a new appreciation and love for him. I didn't understand it, but I knew I loved him now more than ever. I don't think it was the trivial things I had learned about him that night. I think it was the way he looked at me; the love I saw in his eyes, his warm,genuine smile, and his caring touch. Maybe it was the way he held me like I was fragile, yet--at the same time, held me so tight that we were nearly attached to one another.

"Tell me something about yourself that nobody knows." I said, breaking our silence.

"I'm a really good cook....you?"

"I can sing."

"Really?"

I nodded. "I'm just really shy about it. I used to sing all the time...before I got with Phil."

"He made you stop?" Jeff asked.

"I guess, in a way. I don't even know if I can sing anymore...who knows."

"I bet you can."

I shrugged. "Maybe we'll find out one day."

"Do you ever have cravings for any of the drugs he had you on?"

"Sometimes...but I'm strong enough to fight it off...I'm better than that shit. I don't need it."

"I'm really proud of you, sweetheart."

"You have no idea how much that means to me."

"I have a pretty good idea."

"Anything else you wanna know about me?" I asked.

"Which of your tattoos is your favorite?"

"Oh wow...uh...I don't know...they all mean a lot to me."

"Which was your first?"

"The one on the back of my neck. It means 'eternity', I got it with my best friend when I was eighteen."

"How many do you have?"

"I've been tattooed eight times but I have six...the one on the back of my neck,the one on my left foot, the one that wraps around my waist,one on each wrist,and the one on the inside of my ankle."

"And the one around your waist is the biggest one?"

"Yep, it took sixteen hours total and cost me over a thousand dollars."

"Wow."

I nodded. We both got silent for a few minutes. I was all out of questions and I guess he was, too.

"I'm gonna go take a shower." I told him.

"Okay."

I leaned over and kissed him softly on the lips before getting up and heading to the bathroom inside of our bedroom. I turned the water all the way to hot and stepped inside, letting the water fall like rain from the showerhead in the ceiling. I felt satisfied now that Jeff and I had exhanged a few questions and answers. There was much more we still didn't know about each other, but the way I looked at it, we had a lot longer to get to know each other...at least, I hoped we did. My mind took me to familiar fantasies that I hadn't visited in some time. I remembered that night at Randy and Blake's house and a smile crept across my face. It had been nearly five months since Jeff and I made love. I loved how he respected me and my body. He was never pushy and he never even made suggestions. Sure, we flirted, kissed, and touched, but if I pulled away or pushed his hand away, he didn't keep trying. He was gentle and understanding.


	15. Chapter 15

I showered until the water turned cold, got out, and toweled off. When I opened the bathroom door, the bedroom was dark except for the light of the TV,and Jeff was laying across the bed, his back to me, apparently asleep. I leaned against the door frame, smiling at the beautiful man that I called mine. I stood there for a few minutes, just admiring his beauty. He was honestly the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen. I turned off the bathroom light and went to lay in bed beside him. He turned over when I laid down.

"I didn't wake you, did I?" I asked.

"I wasn't asleep." he replied.

"Oh....I thought you were asleep."

"Nah..."

He moved closer to me. I could feel his breath on my neck, bringing goosebumps to the surface of my still damp skin. He pushed a strand of wet hair from my face and kissed my lips softly. I kissed him back, just as gentle. Within seconds, I somehow ended up on top of him, our kiss deeper and more passionate. What the hell happened? I wasn't sure, but I wasn't complaining. His hands were on my sides beneath my shirt, caressing my sides. Familiar fantasies were about to come true if things went my way...seemingly, Jeff wanted things my way as well. I felt his hands moving down my shirt and then, felt my shirt sliding down my shoulders. Yep, he wanted things my way. That was fine by me. I suddenly realized that five months was entirely too long. All of a sudden, I wanted him, right then, no waiting. I shook my shirt the rest of the way off and tossed it to the floor.

Jeff's hands moved from my sides, up my stomach, and onto my breasts. I reached up and pulled his hands away, shaking my head no.

"Nuh-uh. Not tonight."  
"That's unfair." he said.

"Is it?" I taunted.

I leaned down and kissed his throat.

"Way."  
"I'm sorry." I whispered in his ear. I kissed his jawbone right below his ear. I could feel the results of my teasing beneath my pelvis and I smirked in delight. His lips met my collarbone and my fingers settled in his hair. It smelled like vanilla. I kissed his forehead and scratched gently at his scalp, which he seemed to like. He bit down gently on my neck and I felt my breath catch in my throat. A line from a song by my favorite band played in my head. _Hold your breath....you make the perfect sounds._ I heard Jeff chuckle at my throat. Payback for kissing his throat ten-fold. I wanted him right then, more than I had before. I had the notion to just rip all of his clothes and the rest of mine off and take control, but I was afraid to. I'd never been in control before, ever. I felt his hands slide up my back and unclasp my bra. I sat up and took it off myself, throwing it to the floor with my shirt. Our synchronized labored breathing made a rhythm, like a song. He flipped me over on my back, my legs wrapped around his waist. He unbuttoned my jeans and pulled them off. He was still fully clothed. That had to change. Right then.

I pulled his shirt over his head and dropped it off the side of the bed, struggled with his belt, unbuttoned his jeans, and finally got them off a moment later. That little bit of control was enough to give me confidence to take over. I pushed him onto his back again and climbed on top of him once more, kissing his neck and collarbone.

"Damn girl." he whispered.

"I want you....now....I know you told me before that I deserve better but you've showed me love. Fuck me."

Jeff's eyes widened and I think he may have stopped breathing for a moment, but he didn't deny me at all. In a flash I was yet again on my back, my legs wrapped around him. He slid into me, moving slowly at first, then faster and harder. The longer it went on, the more acquainted my fingernails became with his shoulderblades. Jeff pulled out and stood by the bed, pulling me to the edge, changing our position. He re-entered me again, this time moving slowly, in and out, torturing me. I moved my hands down from his sides and onto his hips, which he removed and pinned above my head. He leaned down and kissed me softly on the lips.

"I love you." he whispered.

"I love you too...." I replied.

He continued moving slowly, causing me to whine at him.

"What?" he asked, smirking.

"Quit teasing me."

Jeff leaned down and picked me up. I wrapped my arms around his neck, legs around his waist. He carried me into the bathroom and set me on the counter, kissing on my neck and chest, down my stomach and thighs. I was trembling, chill bumps covering my entire body. I reached down and grabbed Jeff by the hair and tugged a little bit. He kissed his way back up my body and bit on my earlobe.

"You're....s-s-s-still....t-t-t-teasing me..." I said.

"Mm...you're enjoying it."

He had me there. I was enjoying it, all of it. This was a new experience for me...only my second time having sex with him and it was completely different from the first. Every time with Phil was the same, so consistent and disgusting.

"I d-d...didn't say I wasn't...I just said stop teasing me...."

"But then there's no fun in it..." he whispered in my ear.

"Fun...fuck fun I just want...." Jeff cut me off with a kiss.

"I know what you want babe....and trust me I'll give you what you want...just relax...let me do my thing...."

I nodded. That was all I really could manage to do as he began kissing me all over once more. He reached over and turned off the lights. He opened a cabinet and pulled out three small jars and opened them. He reached his fingers in one and smeared it on his arm to show me what it was.

Glow in the dark body paint. I couldn't help but chuckle a bit, remembering days when I would sit in my room watching him, fantasizing about getting him alone in a dark room,wearing nothing but glow in the dark paint. He brushed his fingers across my belly with the cool paint. I giggled, I was very ticklish. I saw him smile, even in the dark. I looked down at what he was writing. _I love you._

I smiled and dipped a finger in the jar and wrote across the top of his pelvis "Mine."

"Mhm. All yours." he said, kissing my lips softly. I bit gently on his bottom lip, pulling him closer to me. I wrapped my legs around him again, kissing him deeper. He pulled back and went back to kissing me, placing paint in random places on my body. He kissed down my thighs and pushed them apart with his hands. _Oh hell._ I thought. He kissed up the inside of my trembling thighs and I closed my eyes. I'd never felt anything like the feeling I felt in the next few moments in my entire life. Just as I neared climax, we heard the alarm chime that the front door was open.

"Fuck." he said.

"Don't stop! Just sh...shut the door and..."

"JEFF!! NIX!!" Matt's voice called.

"Damn it." Jeff said.

"Jeff please...he can wait."

The bedroom door opened and Matt stepped into the room. Didn't he know how to knock?

Jeff shut the bathroom door and locked it. He stood up and turned the shower on.

"I'll just come back." Matt's voice came through the door.

"Good idea." I retorted.

Jeff chuckled and kissed my cheek.

"He has awful timing." I said.

"No kidding."

"I say we finish what we started."

Jeff laughed and nodded. "I agree."

"Good. Let's finish then."

I got down off the counter and pulled him into the shower. I turned the water to hot and pushed Jeff against the wall.

"Damn." he whispered.

"I told you I wanted to finish what we started." I giggled.

He pushed a wet strand of hair from my face and kissed my forehead. He picked me up once again and put my back to the wall. I held on tightly as he entered me one more time. I wasn't about to let his brother's bad timing prevent me from getting what I wanted, and I knew he wanted, too.

When we finished and dressed, Matt was sitting on the couch waiting for us.

"Hey guys." he said.

"Hey." we both answered.

"Sorry bout that." Matt replied.  
"It's all good man. Just...call or ring the doorbell or something next time." Jeff said.

"No problem." Matt said, throwing his hands up. He'd been single for a while now, and my childhood best friend was coming to visit soon. She loved Matt, so I was planning on introducing them when she came up. I hoped they'd hit it off.

"What's up?" Jeff asked. He and Matt were extremely close, but lately, with Matt working and Jeff not, they never got to see each other. My frustration with Matt interrupting us diminshed quickly and I snuggled up to Jeff on the couch while he and his brother talked.

"Nothin', just wanted to stop by and see you guys. I didn't mean to interrupt you guys, I swear." he said.

"Dude, it's cool....you didn't know. It's fine...."

"Kinda awkward that you stayed and sat in the living room waiting on us but it's cool." I added.

Matt laughed a little. "Yeah...I was coming to talk to Jeff...see if you guys wanted to come get some dinner with me."

Jeff looked down at me, a questioning look on his face.

"Let me get dressed and do my hair and everything." I replied, sitting up.

"You don't need to do your hair. Just put on some clothes. You look fine."

I looked at Jeff and shook my head, smiling. I kissed his lips an headed to the bedroom to change. I pulled on a pair of jeans and my fitted Tool shirt. I brushed my hair back into a ponytail and put on some light makeup,opting for my glasses instead of contacts. I was ready to go in fifteen minutes.

"You get ready faster than he does." Matt said.

"I know right?"

"You're good together though. He's really happy...I'm glad you two got together."

"Awww. That's really sweet of you."

"I mean it. I love my little brother, and I want him to be happy. You make him happy."

I smiled at Matt.

"He makes me happy, too. I love him....so much." I said.  
"I know...and he loves you...."

My heart skipped a beat and my phone vibrated. One new text message.

I opened the text and I think I stopped breathing.


	16. Chapter 16

_Hey._ was all it said. The number was too familiar. I felt tears in my eyes and I know I was shaking. Why was he contacting me?

_What do you want? _

_Just to see how you're doing. I miss you._

Miss me?! What the fuck? After all he'd done to me, he MISSED me?

_Miss me? You can't be serious._

_I am._

_Fuck off, Phil._

_Nixon, please. Give me another chance. I've changed. I've been going to those classes and I've changed. _

_Phil, seriously, fuck off._

"Nixon...what's wrong?"

Jeff's voice startled me and I dropped the phone that was now ringing in my hand. He was calling me. He actually had the nerve to call me! Jeff picked up the phone and looked at the caller ID. I was trembling, now choking back a sob. All of a sudden, I was having flashbacks. Everything Phil had done to me was rushing back, flashing before my eyes. I could taste the alcohol and feel the pills going down my throat. I felt every bruise, welt, and cut on my flesh. I screamed in imaginary pain, grabbing onto Jeff for dear life before everything went black.

"Nixon...Baby...wake up." Jeff's voice was faint, but as the black became light and my eyes focused, I could hear him at regular volume. I was laying on the couch in his living room, him kneeling beside me. There was a cool washcloth on my forehead.

"Jeff...." I said, turning toward him.

"Shh...it's okay."

"Jeff, he..."

"Shhh....everything's gonna be okay. I promise. What did I promise you when I brought you here? He will not hurt you....I won't let him."

I nodded, blinking back fresh tears. My phone started ringing again, breaking the silence, and Jeff answered it.

"Call her again and I'll fucking gut you."

He ended the call and laid the phone down. It chirped with a text alert. I grabbed the phone and opened it.

_I mean no harm. I've changed. I swear._

I shook my head and hit reply.

_I don't believe you. I'm perfectly happy with who I'm with and I don't need you. Leave me alone, Phil._

_You can't tell me you're happy sitting there, not living your dream. Come back to me, you can have it back. You know you want to wrestle again._

I hesitated before replying. He was right, I did want to wrestle again, but Jeff hadn't told me that I couldn't. He actually suggested that we both start working out and training a bit in Matt's ring that he had in the building behind his house...and what if Phil HAD changed? People can change, and Phil was a human being, whether his actions showed it or not. Should I give him a chance? I was a firm believer in second chances and forgiveness....but I swore I'd never forgive Phil for what he cost me.

_Phil I can't talk to you._

_Why? Is he controlling you? Telling you who you can and can't talk to? _

_No, Phil. This is my choice. I can't talk to you. _

_Please forgive me, Nixon. I love you._

I gaped at the screen of my phone. He loved me? Part of me wanted to believe him, but part of me screamed "Lies!" and "Bullshit!" as loud as it could.

"Nixon..." Jeff's voice broke through the two that were battling in my head.

"Huh?"

"You okay?"

"Yeah...let's go eat."

I stood up slowly but still held onto Jeff for support. My phone was vibrating in my pocket, probably Phil again, but I wasn't going to look. I wasn't going to answer. The voices in my head were still battling one another and the one screaming "No" was winning. It was right...I could either give up Jeff and give Phil a second chance, or stay with Jeff, and whatever happened would happen. I'd rather be with Jeff than anything. He was meant more to me than absolutely anything. I squeezed his hand tightly. He looked down at me, a soft smile on his face. He reached over with his free hand and wiped my tears away. I hugged him tightly and felt more than content with my decision. One look into his eyes and there was no doubt, he was my new drug of choice, a habit I couldn't break...I didn't want to break it. He was the substance that kept me alive, and I wanted to live, with or without my career. It was no longer the most important thing in life to me. That's the moment I knew I was truly in love. I thought I was so many times before, but that moment really confirmed it.

"I love you. You and only you....forever and ever." I told him.

"I love you too....tomorrow we'll go and get your number changed, okay?"

I nodded and stood on my tiptoes to kiss his cheek as he opened the truck door for me. I climbed inside and fastened my seatbelt. Gazing out the window, my mind wandered. What if I had taken the opposite route? I was certain Phil hadn't really changed, or if he had, it wouldn't be long before life on the road drove him back to the old ways. Jeff climbed into the driver's seat of the big black Dodge and turned it on. Before pulling off of the patio, he reached over and grabbed my hand.  
"A promise is a promise, Nix. You're safe with me." he said.

I smiled over at him and took his hand into both of mine. I brushed my lips across his knuckles and placed my lips on his fingertips, blinking back tears.

"You're the only person who has never failed me Jeff....I believe in you and I trust you...I know you won't break your promise..."

"Never."  
"Matt's waiting."

Jeff nodded and leaned over to kiss me before driving up the long dirt path that lead to the main road. Matt was parked on the side of the road, waiting for us. We followed his lead onto the highway and into Sanford to Kelly's Truck Stop, his favorite late-night spot. We slid into the corner booth and ordered our food. I leaned my head on Jeff's shoulder while we waited. I grabbed his hand and traced the lines of his tattoo, then the lines on the inside of his hand. I drew a heart in his palm and closed his fingers around it. He kissed my forehead and leaned down to whisper in my ear. "I won't break it. Swear."

I smiled sleepily up at him as the waitress brought our food out. I ate my burger and picked at my fries while Jeff and Matt both ate a burger, a hot dog, and fries. I was getting sleepier as the minutes ticked by, and I longed to be in Jeff's arms in our bed. The boys got to talking and I knew it would be at least another hour before they stopped.

"Matt, can you take Jeff home when you guys finish talking? I wanna head on back and get some sleep. I'm exhausted."

"You gonna be okay to drive home?" Jeff asked.

"Yeah, I'll be fine. I just wanna go get some rest. I've been awake since 6 AM and it's 3AM now...."

"I can take Jeff if you wanna go ahead." Matt said.

Jeff handed me the keys and gave me a kiss.

"Be careful." he instructed.

"I will. I love you."

"I love you too."


	17. Chapter 17FINAL CHAPTER

I kissed Jeff goodbye once more and told Matt goodbye before heading out. I climbed into the cab of the truck and pulled out of the parking lot, radio and AC both full blast to keep me awake. Framing Hanley's "Home" blasted through the speakers as I entered the highway. I sang along with my favorite band's first CD as I drove the twenty five minutes to my home. I pulled into the driveway and drove down the moonlit path toward the house just as "Count Me In" ended. I parked the truck in its normal spot and cut the engine. Now to make it inside without falling asleep mid-step somewhere. I didn't care if I fell asleep on the couch, Jeff would move me when he got in...just as long as I got some sleep. I hopped down out of the truck and got my house key out of my purse. Just as I stepped up onto the first step of the front stoop, a hand covered my mouth and I felt something sharp at my back. I knew screaming would do no good, and I knew exactly who it was behind me. Tears began flowing from my eyes and I choked back a sob. This was it. I was certainly about to meet my fate.

The hand uncovered my mouth, and my sobs supressed the scream that was caught in my chest. I was pushed hard, and hit the brick steps, my chin colliding with the cold stone. The taste of blood filled my mouth as my phone slid toward my hand. I reached for it, but a black boot kicked it away.

"I don't think so."

The cold voice was too familiar, and I began to cry harder. I tried calling for Jeff but it did no good, he wouldn't hear me. He wasn't here. He was sitting at that truck stop, twenty five minutes away. I never should have left, I should've just waited for he and Matt to finish talking. This was once again, all my fault. Because of my stupid decision to leave, I was about to die, or come close to it....again.

Phil turned me over and straddled me, the knife now at my throat. He smiled sinisterly at my tears and the blood I felt dripping from my chin. I winced as his fingers brushed against my cheek.

"Aww, what's the matter? Scared?" he said.

I turned away, only to have him grab my face roughly with one hand, the knife steady at my throat with the other.

"You know better than that, Nixon. Don't look away from me. This could've all been prevented had you just listened to me. I warned you....."

"What are you talking about?" I asked.

"You didn't get those texts I sent you earlier?" he asked.

"Of course I did, I replied to you, I told you to fuck off."

"No, no, sweet child...not those....the others....the ones that warned you I'd be watching.....I'd be waiting.......that you would be mine again whether you liked it or not....didn't get the messages?"

"No."  
"Well you've got the message now, don't you?" he chuckled.

A pair of headlights flashed through the trees. I could tell by the hum of the engine that it was Matt and Jeff. A sense of relief rushed over me.

"Fuck." Phil said.

"Get off of me." I said.

Phil pressed the knife against my throat a little more.

"Make one fucking move and I'll kill you." he threatened. The headlights grew closer and I tried to be still. Just a few more seconds and I'd be okay. Jeff would save me. His footsteps grew closer as Phil stared me down, the knife still at my throat. It seemed he didn't even notice that Matt's car had pulled into the driveway, that Jeff was going to walk up and see him holding me down, a knife at my throat. Jeff's footsteps got closer and closer, and Phil turned around, knife still at my throat. He reached into his other pocket and Jeff froze.

"Take another step and you both die." Phil said.

My heart stopped beating right then.

I heard the click and I knew what he had in his other hand. I could see the pistol that Phil kept in the lock box under his bed clearly. It was now loaded, cocked, and pointed at the love of my life.

"Get off of her." Jeff said.

My heart slowly started beating again, my breathing labored and tears flowing faster than ever before.

"Phil just let Jeff go, I'll go with you as long as you don't hurt him." I pleaded.

He looked back at me, thoughtful.

"How do I know you're not tricking me?"

"Phil please, just trust me....don't hurt Jeff, please." I cried.

Phil got up off of me and removed the knife from my neck, the gun still pointed at Jeff.

"Get up." Phil commanded to me. I pulled myself up and through my tears, saw Jeff staring at me, a sense of helplessness on his face. Phil grabbed my arm and dragged me down the sidewalk past Jeff, gun still aimed at him.

"Just let me say goodbye." I told Phil.

He reluctantly let go of me long enough for me to throw myself into Jeff's arms. He hugged me tightly, and I buried my face into his chest, still sobbing.

He leaned down and kissed the top of my head, forehead, temple, cheek, and lips.

"I love you...I am so sorry..." I told him.

He kissed my cheek once more, tears rushing down his face.

"Run." he whispered in my ear.

I looked up at him, and he gave a slight nod. I knew where to run to, but I couldn't leave him alone....not with Phil and a gun. He wiped my tears with his thumbs and gave me a reassuring look that everything would be okay. I reached into his coat pocket while hugging him one last time and grabbed his phone, slipping it up my sleeve. Jeff let me go and I turned toward Phil, tears still streaming, my heart racing.

"Let's go." he said.

I took a few steps toward him before turning on my heels and running the opposite direction, toward the road that connected Jeff's property to Matt's. I dialed 911 as I continued running. Just as the operator picked up, a single gunshot fired.

"911, what is your emergency?" the lady's voice came.

"Please help...my ex attacked me and he has a gun...I think he just shot my boyfriend....please." I sobbed into the phone.

"Please stay on the line while I trace your number to your location ma'am. This will take approximately thirty seconds."

"HURRY." I screamed.

"I have dispatched the police and a paramedic squad to your location ma'am. Are you okay?"

"I think so. Just hurry, please, hurry..."

"I'm going to stay on the line with you until they arrive, okay?"

"I'm at my boyfriend's brother's house, my boyfriend's next door at our house....make sure they don't come here, make sure they go to our house...please make them hurry..."

"They're on their way. Can you verify the address where your boyfriend is so they go to the right place for me?"  
I gave the dispatcher Jeff's address and sat down on Matt's deck to catch my breath. I saw the lights of the police cars and the ambulance through the trees as they pulled into Jeff's yard.

"They're here." I told the dispatcher, hanging up the phone.

I banged on Matt's back door frantically.

He ran into the kitchen, still in the same clothes he'd worn to the truck stop.

"Nixon, what's wrong? What happened? I heard sirens is every---" Matt saw the lights in his brother's yard and stopped talking. I knew he must be having flashbacks to when Jeff's house burned a few years prior.

"Matt....Phil...he attacked me...and he....he....had a gun....Jeff told me to run.....and he sh..." I broke down once more.

"He shot Jeff?" Matt asked.

"I think so....." I replied.

Matt escorted me to his car and sped back over to Jeff's house. The cops were rolling out the yellow tape.

"This is a crime scene ma'am, you can't come over here." the cop said.

"I know it's a crime scene, I'm the one who called...I was here...where's Jeff?" I said.

The cop let me past but sent Matt home. The paramedics were loading Phil onto a stretcher while Jeff talked to a police officer. He appeared unharmed except for a bloody lip. I rushed to his side, throwing my arms around him. He stopped talking and wrapped his arms around me.

"Nixon I am so sorry baby...I broke my promise."

"Jeff please don't be sorry.....are you okay?"

"I'm fine....."

"But the gunshot...."

"Self defense, no charges can be filed." the police officer said.

I looked up at Jeff. "Self defense?" I asked.

He nodded.

"Mr. Hardy....the rest of your statement?" the officer asked.

"Yeah...sorry...like I was saying, he apparently attacked her....when I walked up, he had her at knifepoint, held down on the steps, and then he pulled the gun on me. She told him she'd go with him as long as he left me alone, and when they were about to leave, she asked to say goodbye to me. He let her and I told her to run. I slipped her my phone and she ran toward my brother's house and Phil went to run after her but I tripped him. He dropped the gun and got up, swinging at me, and I punched him. He tried getting me with the knife he had but I picked up the gun and shot at him in defense."

"Anything else happen?"

"He got up and tried swinging at me again, tried to get me with the knife but I got that out of his hand. I wrestled him to the ground and held the knife at his throat like he did Nixon until you guys got here."

"This the lady he had held down?" the cop asked.

"Yes." Jeff replied.

The officer took my account of what happened before Jeff arrived and left a few minutes later. Once Jeff and I were alone, I lost it again.

He held me in his arms and we cried together on the front steps of our house as dawn broke. He apologized over and over for breaking his promise while I told him it wasn't his fault.

"Nixon,I promised you...."

"Jeff, please, stop blaming yourself. It's not your fault. You didn't break your promise intentionally....I wanted to come home and get some sleep. I should've just waited...."

"Nix...it's not your fault either."

"It's not yours, it's not mine, who is left to blame?"

"Phil. I hope that fucker dies. I hope I shot him in the heart and I hope he dies."

"Me too, Jeffro...me, too..."

"This is the dawning of a new day, Nixon....I know I've said it before but Phil Brooks will NEVER hurt you again."

He kissed my forehead and we watched the sun rise above the southern pines.


End file.
